Page One

Turned 16 on monday. £120 richer, and going to London market on friday. Was a pretty uneventful day, still haven’t made things up with my friends, so, you know, family meal and went to the cinema.

Have a job interview tomorrow, 2pm, Whittard of Chelsea. My sister-in-law works there, but I don’t think I’ll get the job. Would be nice to get it, but I know that quite a lot of people have applied for it and I’m sure a couple of them will be more qualified then I. Still, it’s worth a shot. I’m not one to let such an opportunity pass me by. Well, I am, but I think it’s time to make a few changes in my life.

I need to say Yes more, I need to take more risks, try more things, meet more people and just… have a go.
You never know until you try, huh?

It’s odd, you know, I’ve been on my own for a while now, but I don’t feel especially lonely. I feel less alone then I do now then I do when I’m in a large group of people, to be honest. I tend to feel more… lost, then, more all over the place. It’s funny that, how you can be surrounded by people and yet feel so alone. I feel safe at the moment, sort of a bit more in control, but at the same time, I’m so scared. I’ve been like this before; it plays up every now and then. I hate leaving the house. I hate going out, being around people. I hate people looking at me, judging me. The last time it was this bad, though, I ended up "sorting" it by dressing in a way that would draw attention to myself – hence my grunger phase. It made me feel more confidant, knowing that it people were looking at me, at least it would be on my terms. I would be in control of them looking at me. I think I need to that again this time.

Which is why, if I don’t get the Whittards job, I am going to get a couple of the piercings I’ve wanted for a while. Starting with a vertical labret. I think. Maybe. Or maybe not. It depends on whether I get the job or not, I suppose.

Anyway, I need an image overhaul. I need change. I need to get out of the rut. Most definitely.

I think.

-x-