MSN convo

Conversation I had just now with Sophie (Stan). I don’t really know what to make of it… well I do, I guess, I just don’t know where it leaves me right now.

stan says: hi
Ruby says: heya
Ruby says: how are you?
stan says: yeah im ok you?
Ruby says: not too shabby thanks
Ruby says: did you have a good night last night?
stan says: i just stayed in was alright,you?
Ruby says: same, just watched tv and drew patterns on my feet…
stan says: lol
stan says: i need to talk to you about something
stan says: well i think we need to talk
Ruby says: yeah
stan says: right
stan says: when im talking to you online
stan says: its like the same as last summer,like how things were
stan says: do you get what i mean?
Ruby says: yeah, i was thinking that yesterday
stan says: and then when like i see you
stan says: its not the same
stan says: we arnt close anymore
stan says: and if i am honest
Ruby says: i agree, and i know it’s entirely my fault
Ruby says: i’ve been thinking about what you said the other day
Ruby says: i’m going to stop smoking for a month, or something, and see if things get any better
Ruby says: like, between me and people
stan says: if i was honest,i still feel hurt about whats happened
Ruby says: and see how i feel then
stan says: hmm
Ruby says: i dont really think it’s the smoking that’s changed things
Ruby says: but if stopping might help
Ruby says: i really dont like not getting on with you
Ruby says: and i’d do anything to change things back
stan says: i dont like it either but its just all the stuff that has happened these past few months i dont think we can be close right now, i just feel let down and i have really tried to push it out and when i am online i can,just when i see you its different
stan says: and im sorry cause i do want things back
stan says: i just dont think they can…
Ruby says: ok
Ruby says: well
stan says: i still want to be friends,dont like think i dont cause i do,i just yeah wanted to be honest that i dont think we can be like best friends…im sorry
Ruby says: no, i understand that, and i didnt assume we’d go back to being best friends or anything
Ruby says: but at the moment, i feel like you hate me
stan says: i dont hate you ruby,i just when i see you i dont know how to act
stan says: i could never hate you,i can be mad at you yeah,but you always have something with me cause we were so close
Ruby says: i dont really know what to say
stan says: im sorry
stan says: i really yeah
stan says: i havent put this well
Ruby says: not really your fault
Ruby says: <font face="Courier" color="#ff0000" size="2"

>there’s not exactly a guide book
stan says: lol
stan says: true
stan says: i think there should be
Ruby says: would be helpful
stan says: yeah…
stan says: i should have spoken to you sooner
stan says: but i just had to get it sorted in my head…
stan says: and i tried to think of the best way,i was going to talk to you yesterday but i just ddnt know how
stan says: god i have fucked this
Ruby says: no you havent
Ruby says: there’s no easy way of putting it
stan says: yeah….i dont hate you though
stan says: i really dont
Ruby says: no, part of me knows that
Ruby says: but, can i be really honest for a moment?
stan says: yes
Ruby says: when we’re in town, you.. actually not just you… but people physically turn their backs on me
Ruby says: like in a conversation
Ruby says: just turn around
Ruby says: so they’re not looking at me,
Ruby says: and that’s sort of hurtful sometimes
Ruby says: for lack of a better word
stan says: i actually dont realise i do that,you may not believe me but its true,but i wont do it again…honestly i mean that
stan says: cause i still want to be friends
Ruby says: i know it’s not deliberate
stan says: are we still friends?
Ruby says: yeah
Ruby says: i’m really going to try and make this up to you
Ruby says: i’ve been a complete bitch recently
Ruby says: and i know that i’ve hurt a lot of people
Ruby says: and i feel really shit about that
stan says: yeah
stan says: i have to go have a bath
stan says: bye x
Ruby says: bye x