Fade Together

I think I’m losing the abilty to string sentances together. Remember that, if things don’t make complete sense.

I had a really bizzarre dream last night, one of those ones that was so quirky that I figured it had to be true. Hum, well, it made sense at the time. I don’t really remember what happened, just that there were cobwebs and a girls head was bleeding. Says a lot for my subconcious, I think.

I think I feel safer in that world, somehow. I don’t know, monsters and bleeding children are a lot less scary then the thought of bills and work. Simple things about my almost inevitable future, mundane things like finding plumbers and getting onto the property ladder, they frighten me a lot more then any vampire or ghost ever could. Is that normal? I think we only create monsters to distract us from the really scary things in life, though maybe i can see the entertainment value too. Afterall, Curse of the Were-Mortgage was never destined to be a box-office hit.

I so badly want to escape, sometimes, and I don’t know how far I’d go to achieve that. I guess I shouldn’t be thinking about all these things just yet, I don’t need to for another couple of years, but maybe as I’m not doing GCSEs, I have a load of extra fear-energy that’s taking itself out on the next best thing.

I’m too young to be doing all this. I don’t know. I wish I were still a child, so I don’t have to worry. Fuck that, I pretty much AM still a child – I’m only 15… I think more then anything, I’m scared that this is the end of the high life, after this it’s only going to get harder. I don’t want it to get serious yet. I just all feels too real.

-x-