Nothing is Certain

I don’t know what this is going to be about today, usually when I write I have some idea of where I want to start, today all I know is that I want to write.

I have a headache. I’ve been having quite a lot of those recently. And my neck hurts. It feels like every time I move, a muscle pulls or a bone clicks. I’m pretty sure that this is not a good thing. It think it may just be because of lack of sleep. I haven’t slept properly in ages. I should have an early night tonight… it’s already 22:41 so I guess it’s a little late to be called early.

I was watching a tsumani program on TV just now, was so scary. I’ve never fully grasped what happened. Well I have, I understand what’s happened but it’s just so… inconceivable. Like, if it were in a film or written about in a book, you’d just be like "nah, that couldn’t happen in real life, it’s not possible!" Scary stuff, really scary stuff… 50,000 still missing after almost a year. I want to believe nothing like that, on that scale, could ever happen here. I guess you have to not worry about things like that too much, and deal with them if they happen.

It reminds me of a couple of years ago, just before the war in iraq, my friend convinced herself that world war three was approaching, and that we’d have another blitz, with blackouts and air raids and bombs dropping. She was sure all her family were going to die, all of us were going to die, and she would be the only one left. She used to watch the news every morning to make sure war had not been announced. By the time war actually was declared, though, she had forgotten all about it.

I suppose the scariest thing is that everything can be normal, everything can be just like the day before and the week before, the month before, and yet it only takes a second for your entire world to change so suddenly, to literally fall down around you… and you never know when it’s going to happen, if it’s going to happen at all. And if it does happen, when you have that life changing second, it could be something as small as meeting someone in the street who changes your way of thinking, to something as collosal as a plane announicing itself outside your building, or a wave tearing apart your home, your whole town and every town around it for miles.

It’s just… so uncertain.

I don’t think I should think like this just before I need to sleep.

I don’t think I should think like this at all.

-x-