I didn’t disappear

Nothing like the holidays to remind you how fucked up your family is… Or how fucked up you are. Lol. I’ve been off social media for 6 days. Today was a clean up my mess day. Tomorrow it’s back to studying.

I blacked out on Christmas. I don’t usually black out. I usually can drink all day and remember everything. But not eating does not help. Thankfully, it was just family. I guess I found my way to a bathroom and puked until my husband found me and took me home. Oh wellllll. Husband says I have a bad drinking day about once a year. Sounds pretty accurate. Honestly I feel like I just got back from a vacation. The work I’ve been putting off buried on top as well as some family anger I need to let go, and some family drama I’m desperately trying not to be a part of.

Apparently dad called my twin on Christmas (I was only at my parents house for like 2 hours before I took too many shots lol so i missed it). Apparently she yelled at him. He told her he didn’t call to fight, just to wish her a Merry Christmas. She called him today and they had a normal-ish conversation. She’s still not really talking to me. She’ll respond if I reach out first but keep it short and move on. I hate how she has this ability to act like nothing’s wrong and that she’s just busy when she knows I know the real issue. It’s fine. I’ll text her tomorrow. See if we can plan something for New Years. I doubt it, but I’m trying to be the bigger person. I watched an old home movie today. We were two. It’s funny watching us. We both barely talked to each other and just communicated through our actions. And we were both copying each other’s every move without realizing we were both doing it. I was more talkative, I would answer questions mom would ask her if I thought she didn’t know the answer so she wouldn’t embarrass herself. She was more of a daredevil, challenging me to break rules and then covering for me if I was caught.

I have such bad baby fever. But we need two incomes first. And a bigger house. Maybe next year.