A day to forget

If I could redo one day, without any doubt, it would be New Years of 2018. The pain of knowing someone you love, and cannot have, is in love with someone else. The pain of them drunk messaging you “I fucking love you”. The pain of recounting those words every night in your head for two years, wondering how it all went downhill so fast and you no longer know the person you once loved. If I could, I would forget that feeling that haunts me into the deepest hours of the night. The feeling that reminds me of my loneliness and my insufficiency in being just enough for anyone to love. If I could redo one day, I would relieve myself of the dreaded feeling that New Years now holds. A holiday I once loved to celebrate with my loved ones, now a painful reminder of the almosts & the not-good-enoughs.