show the love

he he… time to write in open diary again… finals are almost over and hopefully i get to chill…

my time has gone. it seems i’ve been trying to hold on to any and every bit that passes me by. my head’s on a platter for the morning sun. it melts away with every day that i bring it a battle. my eyes are hardly ever open.

wake up. school. work. sleep. repeat.

remember that whole depression thing? well…i dont think this is helping. yet no one seems to notice. i’m just being silly i guess. this kind of thing surely can’t be real. all along i’ve been dreaming this up haven’t i?

an emotional roller coaster all day with me.

so. then where does my happiness lay? in love and attention. when i’m sad i honestly just need a hug. to be told everything is going to be ok is a safe haven for me. i believe it. but as i’m brushed away instead, a hold digs itself thru my heart. again however its just me and my imagination.

i’m just a problem really. prescription needed.

i think i write in this thing to help people realize maybe i’m not ok. maybe its not all just a lil dream for but perhaps its something growing and being nurtured by neglect. that’s what my couselor told me anyway. why does this get everyone so angry. i want to be ok really but the torment isnt doing anything for me.

positivity would work wonders.

then again i’m only a coward for not being able to express this to anyone. all i can do is write and nag to myself in hopes that it’ll all just go away. i dont want to be a bother. but if i were to ask for help i’d just be annoying someone. it’s a skit that is getting too old for some. if only i could give this to someone else for a split moment to show them just how real this is for me. the pain in their eyes would bring pleasure to me as i would be able to murmur those famous words;

i told you so.