hi

well today seems like any other day. I stay home on Saturdays because there’s a pandemic but even if there wasn’t would i still be staying home? the answer is probably yes. i have always been a person that loves the idea of socializing but not the act itself. i like having friends but inconsistent with my follow thru of nurturing and maintaining a relationship. things seem so grim to me. i feel this deep sadness that even the weed cant mask anymore. depression is a real thing. i wonder when will i snap out of it. maybe when i get some dick, i am very deprived. woe is me.,,,,

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December 26, 2020

I feel you! I have a long term boyfriend so duck ain’t a factor for me… but last year my friends decided to cut me off because I wasn’t taking care of myself and wasn’t taking care of our friendship which basically meant I was drinking too much. I needed to address my issues… so I did it, on the own without all of them (total of 2), got hospitalized, completed treatment and now I just feel jaded. I guess my point is…you can’t change the problem surrounding you but you can work on yourself and how you view/feel/react to actions and emotions.
As a follow up, I still haven’t reconnect with my old long term friends, but I am so longer sad and stuck on that fact. Right now I am trying to be excited about any new friendship I can start, and how I plan to be a good friend with my updated adult self haha!

December 27, 2020

you make a good point, i shouldnt dwell but look forward. thank you.