Scared

For the first time in a long time I am scared.  I am not lightly scared.  I am very scared.  I should not even be writing this, but I am hoping one day I will look back and see that this fear is foolish.  I am scared, because I just walked out of the house I was living in and still have not contacted the owner, but I know I have too.  He was kind to me and I need to tell him that the school system in that town sucked, that my son was having to walk a mile to school alone, and he is only 7.  I am scared, because I am missing out on my 18-year-old’s senior year.  There is so much she needs and expects from me and I don’t know if I can give her everything she needs.  I am scared, because we moved into an apartment.  It is first floor, the people up stairs stomp and make tons of noise.  They are angry people, because I paid for a carport, and started parking there.  They said they had been in the carport for a year.  I offered to move if they were paying.  They said, "no, they shouldn’t have to pay they have been parking there forever."  They have never even said hello to me, yet, they are rude, obnoxious neighbors.  Today, our first full day here, the police came to the door.  A witness to a burglary saw the robber run into our complex.  The police came to check us out. 

I am scared, because… today I got an e-mail.  They want to interview me Friday morning early for the Store Director or Senior Softline Manager at a store opening in Colorado.  We just moved to Ohio, but they want me in Colorado.  I am scared, because it is a better position, but I don’t want to look for a house again.  I don’t want to move again.  I don’t want my children to have to change schools again.  I am horrified that no matter what decisions I make now they will be the wrong decision.  

The company likes me, they appreciate me.  I love the people I am working with now, but it is so rewarding to be offered a much higher position. 

I am scared….I don’t want to be.