The Bottom Line

I am cold and I can’t get warm.
I’m debating going up to the bar or going to bed.
Neither seems all that appetizing to me anymore.
I am tired.
So tired.
I want to chain smoke.

I attended a humanist party meet up discussion group.
Needless to say there was little discussion.
And the one woman who had a differing point of view about a topic
up and ran out the room when she got emotional.
It probably didn’t help that it was me, the uncomfortable newcomer
and four other men.
One said something about how personal experience is diminished by the facts.
I’m paraphrasing.
I wish I had a better memory.
I wish I could figure out what to say more quickly.
Humanists. Pfft.
They are just hiding behind intellectual bullshit.
But they don’t feel a thing.

Maybe I’ll go up to the bar.
Though I may be too tired for a Saturday night keeping to myself, surrounded by loud assholes.
I’m trying not to lose hope.
It keeps crumbling around me.
I should know better than to get excited.
Take the sketchbook up and drown out the sorrow.
I wish I could do this more easily.

Fuck it.
I’ll just go to sleep.