Hypnotized.

I realize while I’m standing in line for coffee, shifting weight back and forth, that owning a set of mugs for every holiday would genuinely make me happy. In a very small, very quiet, and very real way. I do not even use my own mugs that I own now, of course.  I’m afraid of them. I don’t trust my own housekeeping that they aren’t overcome with dust or germs so I really just avoid making beverages that require anything non-disosable as of now. It’ll be different someday, I guess.

I felt so, so good today. It was perfect outside, and I actually took a walk and visited friends at work on my day off. I felt so normal, and like I had a secret from everyone who watched me walk by. My hair let the wind inside of it and I felt really beautiful.

I figured out today that the reason my cat doesn’t like sleeping on me as much as Adam is not because he loves me less. He cannot get comfortable because my breasts get in the way, I noticed as he settled and resettled.  So I’ve stopped taking it personally and enjoy the warmth of his fur on the side of my thigh, where he prefers.

I cannot fully understand how much I’ll miss this little family while I am gone on tour. There’s no way of grasping it yet. But it hangs in the air with every goodnight, and I nestle in feeling so excited and so dreadful.