My dick is curved like the space-time continuum.
Once upon a time, I was dicking around with the Powers That Be, who then told me to get bent. And guess what — I DID! The result? My penis is now curved like the space-time continuum. Everyone else’s erections are straight as an arrow. Well, mine is curved like the bow. HA! My dick would reach out for a good 10 inches if it wasn’t shaped like a damn pretzel. There’s a reason my nickname back in high school was "Ol’ 90 Degrees." They’ve called my johnson "The Golden Arches," "The Hoop Snake," and "The Cul-de-NutSac." Hell, the ex used to call it the "Midnight Hair-Pin Turn." HAHAHHAH!!!
My wang is so warped, I can hang myself from the monkey bars out in the freezing rain for a good half hour using NO HANDS, and have! It’s so curved I can use it like a periscope while skinnydipping. I don’t need a cupholder in the car neither – I got my parabolic penis for that. And don’t get caught talking shit behind my back, cos if I know it, I might just shoot ya in the eye, bitch! I could build a fucking WATERSLIDE on my dong if it was wide enough!
But having a curlicue cock isn’t all fun and games. Don’t even get me started on sex. It’s damn near impossible unless the babe is a yoga master. I can’t even whack off, cos if I did, I’d shoot semen in my eye – a great displeasure I am sure many of you ladies out there are still waiting to discover for yourselves. I can’t even take a piss standing up. Or sitting down. I have to stand on my head just to take a leak, friends. Matter of fact, my piss doesn’t even hit the bowl until 30 minutes before I started cos the pee goes BACK IN TIME. The curvature of my dick warps space and time and my piss goes BACK IN TIME. And it lands in the NEIGHBOR’S POT. DAM! I may not be able to have any kids EVER, but how many of you can transport your urine stream into another dimension?
One time, a chick gave me a handy, and she vanished into the outer reaches of infinity, never to be seen again. Her fault for wanting to reach ALL THE WAY down the pole. There are some places human hands were never meant to go, and one of them is down the spiral shaft of existance. Some would say that, like the center of a black hole, the curvature of my dick is infinite. That if a berk reached far enough down my twisted tool, she’d be able to find her heart’s desire at the End of Time. Or eternal damnation – I forget which. But I know that’s nothing but bullshit. After all, I am at the other end, so if this was true, why would I be here writing some dumbass internet diary if I could be at my Heart’s Desire? You can bet your balls I’d be up to my eyes in bitches instead of spending all my time on OpenDiary.
Anyway, enough of this wigwag. My neighbour called half an hour ago. Apparently, I will be needing to take a piss any moment now. HAHA! Later, freaks!
-His Divine Shadow
On the other hand, a curved unit does hit the g-spot!
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Some of the best sex I ever had was with a guy with a curved dick. I was going to say something else, but now I’ve forgotten it.
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A+ entry! Would lol again.
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Oy.
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Can you bounce on it like Tigger does with his tail? *wink*
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Actually, I do believe that’s what happened. God created the world with an appearance of age, but it’s only been around for about 6 to 10,000 years. If you read my entry on Theistic Evolution, I went into more detail. But creatures don’t “have the appearance of being evolved”. If creatures have things in common, it doesn’t attest to Evolution…
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…it attests to the fact that everything has a common Creator.
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Oh, sorry. You did read that entry. *slaps forehead* Anyway, that’s what the biologist was saying, is that God created the universe with the appearance of age.
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“RYN: I wasn’t talking to you.” Doesn’t matter. I AM talking to you.
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Fine. But I am still interested in why you think that an atheist might “be in so much shit.”
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oh god, i love losers like you, you really do bring so much enjoyment to the World. Chris
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Now all you need to do is teach it to hold a fork..or spoon for that matter and you’d be set for life.
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Oh, shit, HDS! You need to SET IT ON FIRE! DO IT! DO IT!
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if it wasn’t for my horse, i would have never finished college
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???
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lol ryn: thanks 🙂 Morwenna xxx
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ryn: And here I didn’t think you knew I existed. I’d blush but since you can’t see it the point would be gone and the freaks I work with would laugh at me. Never let the freaks see weakness. It’s just not healthy.
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RYN: YOU are the very definition of a misanthrope.;)
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Ryn: Lmao there might be a few girls like that. But they’re a very rare species.
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i really don’t know what to say to that…
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yeah, it was a chain letter. But I thought it was funny, so I put it up, lol. But I liked the WingDings, lol.
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RYN: That’s fine with me since I enjoy the drama 🙂 And of course I deserve it…people have always been jealous of me. Jealousy = drama!
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You shouldnt have ragged on her at all. What did she ever do to you? She defended a friend from another diarist and you get inloved? Why? I think secretly you admire her. Everyone loves her, every entry has a creative background (It’s not all rainbow and silly graphics) and shes funny and intellygent and supportive. If she didnt get under your skin you wouldnt write entryes about her all the time.
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RYN: That’s something you’re gonna have to ask them. I don’t believe they should be jealous, but they are. People have been jealous of me since high school…I’m attractive, I have no provlem getting/keeping a man, I don’t have to stuggle financially. I’m married and have a baby on the way. That’s what most women want out of life and seeing someone younger than them already have it hits them hard.
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Nah, I think I’m going to lay off the /mushroom/.:-D I am positive that “he” is actually a brilliant comedian.
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RYN: 😛
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Hi sorry to get back to you solate! I didn’t mean that you ahad broken all the of Ten Commandments, rather I meant that the bible says allpeople had broken at least some of them. So in this light, the entry does make sense.God bless, you!
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RYN:
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. . . HOLY CRAP I AM SO FUNNY!
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But HDS, I read this entry. And I care. I care.
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RYN: Oh, shush. You know you totally care. 😛
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RYN: yeah yeah.
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RYN: I don’t know why I’m so hated either. I think my life is pretty average so they could just as easily hate someone else. For some reason they flock to me though. Yes, I delete the notes once I put them in an entry and reply to them. I don’t see the need to keep them. If I went to OD notes only then I wouldn’t get the unsigned notes…and then what would I have to laugh at?
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RYN: Oh, shush.
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A curved dick does hit the G-spot, so I’ve heard. But I’m sure it makes doggy style a right pain in the lowers kidneys. So I’ve heard. *grin* You’re funny.
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Egads! My spelling! *smacks forehead*
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Wow…this has got to be the most interesting entry I have stumbeled upon in a while! LOL Too funny!
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Uhm…*looks at note above* I do not recommend setting your curly cucumber on fire…that’s going to hurt. I can pretty much guarantee it. And besides, someday you might meet and fall madly in love with a girl with a pretzel shaped twat. What? It could happen.
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BTW…yes of course my first impulse was to leave you a blank note, but I just HAD to respond to this entry.
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I’m surprised ShadowKat hasn’t begged to un-curve your dick for you. Lol!
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“I’m surprised ShadowKat hasn’t begged to un-curve your dick for you. Lol!” That makes two of us.
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I doubt you even have a dick, you pussy. Stop with the caps, what are you like 12? IRL, I would break you like a cheap door.
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‘I won’t say why cos if I did, that and the picture request might make me sound like a total perv. Which I am not.’ (reading entry.) hmmm. perverted and you want to kill my people! nice. lol.
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if you ever figure out who it is, let me know. I don’t get told that I look like anyone so I can’t help! but again, thanks for the compliments! 😀
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