A handy guide on when NOT to IM me.

Ever since I started posting my more popular entries, I’ve been getting several unsolicited IMs like the following:

ODdumbass: hi
HisDivineShadow245:: Haro!
HisDivineShadow245:: Who, and/or what are you?
ODdumbass:: I am ur personal stalker
HisDivineShadow245:: Oh great, another one.
ODdumbass:: indeed
HisDivineShadow245:: Oh well, my [Block] button is due for a new workout anyway
ODdumbass:: no
ODdumbass:: im here to ask u something
ODdumbass:: lol
HisDivineShadow245:: yes
ODdumbass:: nevermind
ODdumbass:: i dont wanna ask anymore
HisDivineShadow245:: Great.
ODdumbass:: i got ur name from Open Diary
ODdumbass:: if ur wondering
HisDivineShadow245:: I know.
ODdumbass:: how do u know?
HisDivineShadow245:: Because it is the only place I have my name available to total strangers
HisDivineShadow245:: And even that was a colossal mistake, I’ve now realized
ODdumbass:: yes
ODdumbass:: lol
ODdumbass:: it was
HisDivineShadow245:: So if you aren’t going to tell me who you are, I am just going to go
HisDivineShadow245:: Goodnight.
ODdumbass was blocked at 6:30:27 PM.

Moron. I don’t know why, but recently, several people have been getting the idea that just because my IM name appears in my diary that it’s an open invitation to IM me on AOL. Well, let me take the opportunity to clear up the confusion for the idiots: IT’S NOT.

Seriously, if I don’t know who you are and you insist on wasting my time with idiotic banter like this, I going to block you, or post our "conversation" in an entry (like this one) to mock you out of spite. This is the exact reason why I had to delist my IM name and e-mail from my front page. By the way, here’s a quick tip for the retards: don’t IM HisDivineShadow245 and hope to get a response; that isn’t my actual username.

I hate to do this, but you assholes leave me no choice. So from now on ALL IM CONVERSATIONS WITH ME ARE INVITE ONLY. Read that one again just to make sure it sinks through. Think of my IM as a favourites-only diary. If you want the privilege of chatting with my awesome self, you are going to have to earn it. Send me a note requesting a dialogue and I will decide whether or not you are worthy of my time. (People with whom I regularly chat don’t have to go through this application process.) I usually keep my chat line open for/during important business, so I’d rather not be intercepting messages from some jackass who wants to IM because she’s "just bored and feels like chatting." I don’t do small talk, kids. Any dipshit who doesn’t follow this rule is going to get ignored, period. I have enough to deal with in my life without having to entertain bored teenagers all day. If I wanted to do that, I’d become a fucking school teacher.

Oh, and before I forget, I am also going to start blocking people who bore me too much, and that includes some people who already IM me. If you suddenly start to notice that I stop showing up online for a long time, that is probably why. If you want to be relisted, feel free to note me. I look forward to ignoring you. As for all you aspiring chatters, if you aren’t sure whether or not a conversation with you will end up boring me, chances are that it will. Play it safe and don’t IM me.

-His Divine Shadow