Evolution & Creation vs. His Divine Shadow

Once upon a time, I was sifting through the bullshit called mainstream news, when I came across an article that reminds me why I hate people.

Apparently, some school district in Cobb County, Georgia wants to have all the biology textbooks with information regarding evolution to contain a disclaimer. The disclaimer, repeated verbatim, is as follows:

"This textbook contains material on evolution. Evolution is a theory, not a fact, regarding the origin of living things. This material should be approached with an open mind, studied carefully, and critically considered."

After reading that, I thought it sounded reasonable. I’dve perferred if the sticker regarded all the material in the book and was placed on just about every single textbook in existence, but this is a step in the right direction. If there is one complaint I have against the education system of the U.S., it is that it doesn’t really teach how to critically think. Rather it just teaches kids how to memorize, sensationalize, and regurgitate what the teacher says. Logic and open-mindedness are rarely part of any curriculum that doesn’t involve philosophy and forensics (and even then, an over zealous professor can ruin it by preaching only one viewpoint). However, after reading the article, I was shocked that teachers, scientists, and genuine atheists all had a problem with this disclaimer. They said that teaching critical thinking skills was tantamount to promoting religion in classrooms and that it should be avoided. What?

If anything, this kind of thinking would prevent children from sticking to their parents religion just because they were taught it is right. Apparently, they don’t see the irony of preaching against dogmatic indoctrination while at the same time, practicing the very same. I am equally as sure they would never see the irony of a guy who converted out of Christianity defending this encouragement to consider a scientific theory to be incredible.

Of course, liberal satirists have wasted no time making short work of this disclaimer. This site actually mocks the disclaimer by replacing the word "evolution" with "gravity", "plate tectonics", and "heliocentrism." My guess is that they did it to expose to the world how ridiculous this disclaimer is by replacing evolution with so-called scientific "facts." Only problem is, it doesn’t work. As much as these assholes bitch, the truth is that even advanced quantum physics and relativism have been unable to explain what gravity actually IS. Its effects on the macroscopic world are easy to measure, but exactly how these affects are achieved, how they manifest on a quantum level, and how they can be reconciled with quantum mechanics remain dark. Oh shit, does that mean that explanations of gravity are also theories? You bet your ass they are. Same with heliocentrism, but I explain that part later. The point is, this kind of satire proves nothing, except that the authors are idiots, which is the point I am making today.

I am going to offer an argument that pretty much shoots a hole through the "intelligent design" theory, the idea that GOD is/was a necessary component to the creation and organization of a universe that is too good to be true. And after I am done with that, before you all start thinking I am some kind of liberal intellectual, I am going to pretty much backhand you by taking a philosophical shit on the theory of evolution, and explain why all you arrogant dottering hippies are wrong. Let the games begin.

Pro Evolution:

Intelligent design is an excuse given by looking around at the complex universe and saying that it is too complex and designed too perfectly to have been an accident. The only possible explanation is that a higher power designed it so it would be able to produce our world and support life. Nice try asshole, but there is one factor not explained away here. GOD. If the universe is so complex and perfect, one can only assume that its creator must be even more complex, and perfect, and HIGHER. That is the very nature of higher powers. So if this is true, then what designed GOD? If our imperfect universe required a helping hand, a perfect power probably required two.

Now of course, you will always have some asshole claim that GOD is so perfect, he doesn’t need a creator or a design, he simply is. Well if that can be argued for GOD, why not for our universe? You can’t have it both ways, stupid. Either complex design needs a creator or they don’t. And if they do, a paradox set up is completely illogical. Enjoy your blind idealism, assholes.

Against Evolution:

The biggest flaw with the "theory" of evolution is the fact that it is a theory supported by solid evidence. That may sound like a good thing if you are a believer in evolution, but remember who you are up against. Think about it – in Hollywood, sets are built for lots of cool movies. For examples, the Lord of the Rings movies had lots of old castles and shit that were built into mountain sides that looked thousands of years old, but you know what? They aren’t even close to being as old as I am, and are probably not even a year or two old at best. Now, if a human is capable of creating something that looks older than it is, why couldn’t GOD, a superpowerful entity, create a world that looks billions of years old, even though it really isn’t?

See, the main problem with the whole "evidence" argument is that dumbass activist don’t understand how science and logic actually work. Let me break it down for those of you in the audience who fall in this category (and you bastards KNOW who you are). A theory is an assumption based on facts that support it. Logic dictates that the more evidence a theory has, the stronger support it has. However, it is impossible to PROVE a theory to be true. Think about it – many years ago, it was assumed that the Earth was the center of the universe. This was a theory. The supporting evidence is that all this cosmic shit like the sun and moon looks like it is going around the Earth, visual evidence that EVERYONE could see. Anyone who said this was untrue pretty much looked like an idiot because the evidence looked so strong. This theory was ultimately destroyed by another principle of logic – that while a theory cannot be proven right, it can be proven wrong, and that very little evidence is necessary to prove a theory wrong. In this case, new evidence that showed that the Earth does move around the sun and not the other way round proved the "idiots" right, and made the people who were so sure that their theory was fact eat shit pie.

That is why Evolution is called a THEORY and not a fact. Truth is, with all theories, it doesn’t matter how much evidence supports it if one glaring fact contradicts it. GOD could appear tomorrow and take a shit upon years of scientific evidence and pompous liberal advocacy (I shure as well would if I had the chance).

Thereis also plenty of evidence that GOD does in fact, exist. I know lots of assholes are thinking "but HDS, a lot of that stuff like the Bible could have just been created by man." No shit, and a lot of your precious "evidence" supporting Darwin could have been left behind by GOD just to ambush you, so shut up and get bent already. Nobody cares about your philosophical drivel. The only reason I present this case at all is to prove my point – that both creatorist and evolutionaries are both full of shit.

Why the hell do these activist assholes even care whether or not evolution is taught in schools? I mean, seriously, if your kid’s teacher doesn’t teach evolution in the classroom, I have an idea, why not TEACH YOUR KIDS YOUR OWN FUCKING SELF??? Holy shit, parents who actually is involved in educating their kids – what a concept! Who knows, maybe if parents did this for their kids, they might actually grow up to be productive members of society instead of grown idiots who’s only purpose in life is protesting and bitching about things they can change by actually talking to their own kids. And now that I mention it, this strategy also works great if your school is teaching abstinence only sex-ed. So what if your kids’ school isn’t teaching about condoms? Nothing keeps your sorry ass from talking about sex to your kids, unless of course, you are a pussy.

In conclusion, don’t you people have better things to do than to push theory as fact onto people who don’t give a shit? Like actually getting a life that doesn’t consist solely of protest rallies?

And if you are wondering if I think Evolution or Creationism is right, let me save you the expense of having to assume I think one way or another and just tell you what any humble human being would say: I DON’T KNOW AND DON’T CARE. Happy? Now, if you will excuse me, I have a life to get back to. You should do the same.

-His Divine Shadow

P.S. To all the people bitching about how I have recently gone "AWOL," here is a suggestion – USE YOUR DAMN EMAIL. I check it regularly. I am also on AIM quite frequently (albeit not within the past week or so since finals are close). Either way, if you have a problem with my lack of OpenDiary presence, either do something about it or quit bitching, because people bitching about my lack of updates is one more item I’ve decided to add to my list of things I don’t give a shit about.