His Divine Big ol’ thrice-dammed Wishlist.

If anyone is wondering what I really want for Christmas, here is a hint:

That’s right assholes, don’t bother sending me sweaters or bullshit that you think I will like. Chances are, you will send me something that sucks and will end up on eBay tomorrow. But money is the right gift 100% of the time, and I want it all.

If you think your monetary donations won’t make a difference, you are wrong. In good faith and for the purposes of keeping the Church of His Divine Shadow a tax-exempt non-profit establishment, I am declaring exactly in public open forum how your tithings will benefit the Lord of the Dark Zone.

DonationPriest Level AchievedYour donation could be used for:

$15
Acolyte
New CD, New Headphones

$20
Curate of Darkness
New DVD

$30
Pastor of the Deep Shadow
Subscription to a good p0rno site, New Video Game

$80
Shaded Canon
Game Boy Advanced

$150
Deacon of the Void
Digital Camera, PlayStation 2

$400
Bishop
iPod

$800
Umbral Cardinal
Decent Laptop Computer

$3,000
His Divine High Priest
Trip to Australia

Keep this in mind and remember, tis better to give than to receive, as long as you sods are the ones giving me shit. And for my hot female readers, if you don’t feel like shelling out the cash, you can pay with that ass. Send all cash, money orders, checks, and nude Polaroids to:

His Divine Shadow
PO BOX 174
Cupertino, CA 95015

The reason I am not giving my home address is that my mailbox isn’t locked, and thus remains a shitty place to keep cash and cash equivalents, not to mention hottie pics. I also accept pics at HisDivineShadows@yahoo.com. Feel safe and secure knowing that your pictures will never be used for evil purposes. Not because I am a nice guy, but cos I know that if I ever used naughty pics for bad purposes, word would get out and destroy future opportunities for more hottie pics. And the use of cash gifts was already discussed.

As for all you babes expecting gifts from me, I have a couple for y’all. Is anyone interested in a pair of roasted chin-nuts?

-His Divine Shadow