Update

So this entry is sexually graphic. Do not read if you can’t handle it. 

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So I was on tumblr and my favorite blog posted. Its a blog dedicated to porn star James Deen. 

This blog posts gifs of his different movies and the like. So I got instantly turned on and found a website that had all of his movies….

I watched the movies and heard the ecstasy filled moans from the women and thought about what it would be like to be completely dominated like that….next thing I know I’m masturbating with my vibrator and loving every forbidden second of it.

I’m writing this with it still inside of me. I had my orgasms…almost squirted everywhere….and now I just don’t want to feel empty. So I’ll leave it in for the duration of this post. Hopefully its a long one 😉

So….hi everyone! Its been a while and honestly life as sucked balls.

I was failing chemistry so I had to withdraw which then meant I had to change my major because if I kept trying I wouldve been in school for another full year. 

I fell back into my supressed depression. I pushed it down and for two years I thought it was finally gone…then everything happens and poof its back and now I have scars on my arms and legs…

Daniel is still with me even through everything I’ve put the poor kid through. 

Hes the best.

Thankfully I got help early and its somewhat under control. I didnt cut for about a month until yesterday where i went into one of my moods and started to but stopped before I broke skin. 

My parents found out about the cutting and the depression and now they’re realizing how fucked up I am because of them. And now they feel bad and are changing but the damage is done. My mom is taking me to a therpist tomorrow to talk about my problems. *sigh* 

but the last few weeks have been pretty good. I miss Daniel and having some one to sleep with every night but I’m trudging through. I’m seeing him this weekend and he forbade me from masturbating….oops….welp looks like I’m getting a nice hard spanking for that. I love when he plays the role of my dom….its the best feeling ever. I love being his sub even if its only in the bedroom and not 24/7.

Sigh….I should go though I didnt sleep last night and i think my orgasms made me realize how tired I am.

good night I should be writing more soonish.

 *Sandra*