Feeling a lot better

So I feel much better about getting rid of all of the convos, pics and cards, that held memories of Alex and I. I woke up this morning and felt a lot better. I feel like a weight was lifted right off my shoulders. I didn’t think about him as much today. I literally thought about him once because I remembered a conversation my mom and I had a while back and then I stopped thinking about it. I didn’t check his facebook at all and really didn’t want to. Getting rid of all the old stuff made me feel a lot better. Theres some more conversations thats we’ve had on AIM that I want to delete and then that should be it. And theres also the facebook ones but I think I’ll leave those there. Maybe. I don’t really know yet.

I feel better. I feel like I’m moving on. I wasn’t hurting about it at all today. Hopefully this feeling lasts. I like it. And I don’t feel bad. I’ve been feeling really bad about getting all upset over Alex because Daniel is usually there to see it/comfort me. And he says he doesn’t mind but I’m sure it bothers him in some way even a little. He’s been really great at helping me through this and really patient too. He’s pretty awesome I must say. 

I’m happy. I’m happy to be moving on. I’m thinking about the conversations I read over last night before I deleted them. They foreshadowed a lot. Alex was upset saying that he would never change because he never has and blah blah blah and that hes going to stick around until I decide to leave him for someone better suited for me…and yea..thats pretty much what happened. He went back to his old ways and I left and found someone better. 

Whats really funny was I always teased Alex about leaving him for an army boy or a firefighter…..Daniel wants to be a firefighter and is joining ROTC with me. So that came true too lol. 

I had a weird dream last night. It was more of a flash back than anything else. I remember when I was maybe 14 or 15 my parents, Alex, aunt, uncle, and cousins went to Sugar Loaf (or maybe Sugar Dough?) NY for a fair type thing. Alex, my cousins and I snuck away from our parents to go see a psychic. My cousins went first and they laughed at their fortunes…then the woman turned towards me and smiled and said "Welcome sister come have a seat." Then she read my cards. She said that when I marry I should stick with that guy because if I leave him I will be alone. And I was like ok well I guess I’m not leaving Alex. Alex looked at me and smiled and kissed my forehead and the woman looked me dead in the eye and shook her head. Then she commenced telling me that my life will take great turns within the next couple of years and to go ahead and accept the changes and to not be afraid of going for what I want. Then something about traveling, kids, and stuff that was really fuzzy and I don’t remember much. Then she held out four bags and in each bag held the 26 letters of the alphabet. My cousins and I all reached in a pulled out a letter and she said that the letter in our hands is the letter that starts the first name of the person we’re going to marry. I don’t know what the letter was but I know it wasn’t an ‘A’ and Alex got all mad and was like yea sure uh huh like I would let anyone take you away from me.

Then I woke up. I was like wow I totally forgot about that. I got out my old journal to confirm whether or not it actually happened and it actually did! So even the cards told me to not date Alex lol. And I fell back asleep. Had another dream that was really really freaky but I can’t actually remember it at all. I just remember that I woke up from the dream and was like what the fuck is wrong with me….I know that Daniel and is ex were in it….I don’t know it was a creepy as fuck dream….I’m going to do a dream remembering ritual tonight..it worked once before maybe it’ll work again…

Anyway I’m off for now. I’ll write more later probably if not tomorrow then

🙂

 *Sandra*