member’s only entry…

I usually keep my diary open to the public cuz I have a few friends who like to read it now and then. But, Daniel sometimes reads it too and I don’t care because I’m open with him but this I just can’t have him see. 

I don’t know what happened. I had a bad feeling about this from the start. I knew we shouldn’t have gone through with it. I knew I knew I knew. Why did I do it?

Cuz I love him….thats why…I thought it would work..

*Sigh* And then Alex signs on to skype. I hate seeing him sign on because that was the whole fucking reason we broke up. He never wanted to talk to me. But now…he goes on skype..why? for HER. For some skinny bitch he fell for. He’s known her all of a month and he wakes up early to talk to her, lives on skype, constntly messages her……we were dating for four years and he couldn’t make that effort to keep our relatiosnhip? really you bastard?!? i fucking hate him

I hate evrything. I hate everyone whose ever hurt Daniel. I hate Alex for being the biggest asshoel on this fucking planet. I hate Mike for damaging me. I hate my mom for adopting me I hate my birthmom for giving me up. I hate everyone! I’m so angry….I’m angry at myself…

I hate myself. I fell for a guy with a girlfriend. A guy who can’t commit. A guy who won’t love me. I fell for him hard and now I’m sitting here wondering what will happen next….

I should’ve never left Alex. It was stupidest thing to do. We could’ve worked things out. we could’ve. but now its too late. 

Now I’m stuck in my room. Crying over someone I love. I can’t talk to anyone…why would I go to Daniel when I’m crying over him…why make him feel worse than he already does. I can’t go to Alex for obvious reasons…..Jessica has her own drama to deal with…..

I’m crying alone in my fucking room. No one to talk to. No one…

I just want to be happy. I thought dating Daniel would make me happy and it did…but it felt wrong. Something was off. And now we’re here…not togeher at all. We cut off the whole sex/relationship stuff……we’re plain old friends. 

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME!

Why can’t I keep a guy? Why do they all leave? 

I’m just gunna go cry….maybe hope for a phone call or a text from him……this is gunna be a really sucky day….

bye

 *Sandra*