Punch in the gut.

Last night was ugly.
I was looking forward to spending the afternoon with him. I got off work early, got us dinner and headed to his house. We ate, had a glass of wine, shared some kisses… it was perfect. I went to the bathroom and something sparked. I opended the door and stood there for a moment looking at myself in the mirror. He came to see what I was doing. I looked up at him and these were my words…

"Can I ask you something? Something kind of serious, kind of personal? Without offending you?"

"Sure"

"Are you seeing other people?" "Or… I mean, are you sleeping with other people?"

He hesitated for a minute… and then like a knife to my heart… "Yes. I’m not going to lie. I am dating. And yes, I am sleeping with other people."

I was speechless. I didn’t know what to say next. Earlier in the evening he’d asked if I planned on staying the night. I said sure. So then after the bomb went off, he asked if I wanted to go meet some of his neighbor friends. I told him it probably wasn’t a good idea. If other girls are meeting your friends, that might be a little awkward. He said they all encouraged him to date around. Don’t settle for one person until you know. So yeah… I can’t meet your friends. I’m sorry. He asked if I wanted to still stay. I said probably not… I’ll hang out for a little bit, but I don’t think I’ll stay. He kept saying "I’m sorry. I’m sorry." Like it meant something. Like it changed things…
Then after about 10 minutes of total uncomfort on both our parts im sure… sitting on the couch with his arm around me. I shot up like a rocket and told him it would probably be better if i go. He wanted to walk me out. I told him no. He stopped and hugged me one last time… hard… sort of felt like a goodbye hug… sort of not really. He kissed my forehead and said one last time… "im sorry." Thats when the tears started to fall. I couldn’t choke out anything but  … "yeah" and walked out his door for the last time.

I spent about 4 hours last night bawling. I can’t believe this stuff keeps happening to me.
This guy was EVERYTHING I wanted in someone. He was kind, attentive, affectionate, giving… just not honest. So I guess he wasn’t everything. But from the outside looking in…. he was a really really great guy. He just couldn’t settle on one girl. Sort of makes my stomach hurt. Makes me ill. I wonder if these other girls know.
He asked me to be his date for a wedding on the 25th. So I took the weekend off and said YES in excitement. That makes me ill too. He will bring one of the other girls. No big deal for him.
I WANNA SCREAM!!!! How do I find these people??