Daughter?

The first time I opened results from a blood test it said I was having a boy. I took this test at home and I was told that any male DNA in your house can affect the test. So I washed my hands and made Dustin wear gloves and blah blah blah.

This whole time I was feeling like this was a girl. The different way I felt, the different things I wanted to eat (which was literally nothing except peanut butter chocolate ice cream to be honest). And then I was really disappointed that it said boy because there were so many things I wanted to do with this girl that I was going to help grow up in a way that I never had. She’s going to want to hug me because I’m going to be open to affection unlike my mom who just gave me stuff and tried her best with affection, but it was always things. That’s not what I needed.

The second time I took the test at a sterile clinic, it said girl.

I literally have never been more excited for anything in my life.

And I hope it’s correct this time. Girl blood tests are generally not false.

I have to wait until January to really know. Which is dumb.

But for now…I think I’m having the daughter that I’ve pictured since I was small.

The daughter that I picked her name like 10 years ago.

It was always my son and this daughter. This is what I pictured my entire life really…and nothing ever works out for me like I picture it. I hope this does.