07/10/2013

I was at a park today, taking some of my kids from camp on a fishing trip. while I was there, I saw a young couple, couldn’t have been more than 17 years old playing in the lake. they were laughing and screaming, splashing and chasing each other. They didn’t have a single care in the world. Oh I’m sure that they have concerns and worries, but at that exact moment, I stood there and I saw true, unabashed, unashamed, unbridled happiness for the first time in such a long time. it struck a chord with me that I’d forgotten I had. it took me back to high school, and to Laura. to the moments we’d sit in her driveway and she’d tell me she never wanted to get out of the car. when I’d fly through country roads trying to get us both back in time for curfew. that dazed look of the first kiss, with my heart pounding out of my chest. it almost brings me to tears thinking about it now. it was so simple and so beautiful, there were no reservations, no second guessing. we’d laugh as we drove back from school screaming blink 182 at the top of our lungs, only to laugh harder when the next song came on the radio. I remember the poetry of those days, the rawness of every feeling, the electricity of every touch.

And then I remembered that I’ll never have that again.

it’s over, that time of my life is done. I’m not a teenager anymore.

I’m a different person. I sold that time of my life for a pair of boots and a gun.

and I’m ok with this.

I’m now disposable. It’s not that my life is worthless, far from it. I know what my life is worth now, and it’s spectacular. I have no doubt in my mind that I’m not "fighting for freedom" or any patriotic crap like that. my time in training has driven home that the chances of me fighting for the American way are slim to none. I follow orders and go where they send me. I have no delusions of glory. there’s nothing glorious about what I do, but I’ll do it proudly. because maybe if I go, just maybe, that 17 year old kid at the beach will get to be just an 18 year old at the beach, then a 19 year old at the beach. that’s what my life is worth. my life is worth someone else’s innocence. if my stress and discomfort can ensure someone sleeps well tonight, then I suppose I don’t mind all that much. if my loneliness means that those two kids can laugh and swim and be in love, then it’s not all that hard to bear. I only hope that my long nights fly by for those two.

Springsteen
By: Eric Church
 

To this day when I hear that song
I see you standin’ there on that lawn
Discount shades, store bought tan
Flip flops and cut-off jeans

Somewhere between that setting sun
I’m on fire and born to run
You looked at me and I was done
And we’re, we’re just getting started

I was singin’ to you, you were singin’ to me
I was so alive, never been more free
Fired up my daddy’s lighter and we sang
Ooohh

Stayed there ’til they forced us out
And took the long way to your house
I can still hear the sound of you sayin’ don’t go

When I think about you, I think about 17
I think about my old jeep
I think about the stars in the sky
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like the soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen

I bumped into you by happenstance
You probably wouldn’t even know who I am
But if I whispered your name 
I bet there’d still be a spark<br style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 15px; text-align: -webkit-center;” />

Back when I was gasoline 
And this old tattoo had brand new ink
And we didn’t care what your mom would think
About your name on my arm

Baby is it spring or is it summer
The guitar sound or the beat of that drummer
You hear sometimes late at night 
On your radio

Even though you’re a million miles away
When you hear Born in the USA
You relive those glory days
So long ago

When you think about me, do you think about 17
Do you think about my old jeep
Think about the stars in the sky
Funny how a melody sounds like a memory
Like a soundtrack to a July Saturday night
Springsteen
Springsteen