9/22/07

maybe the moon draws out the decency in me, or maybe i hope that by being kind to others i can forget my own self pity.  either way, im glad it happened.

things havent been going so well lately.  im here in college, miles away from my family, half a country away from laura, and tonight at least, just out of reach of everyone.  my days pass pretty smoothly, but the nights are what hurt.  i get the time to think about my life. or rather, remember what my life used to be like.  im not oing to go in to it, because quite frankly, it’s too damn depressing.

but something happened tonight. at about 11 pm i decided to couldnt stay in my room anymore, i wandered around the darkened, deserted campus for the better part of an hour, reveling in the serenity, the calm, and the pain numbing chill blown in by the sturdy wind.  as i wondered about, i decided to do the one 24 hour fool proof thing i could think of to make myself feel better: consume greasy food.  as i meandered towards the 24 hour perkin’s just north of campus, i found myself in the center of the desolate and rather disconcerting k-mart parking lot, and noting that it wouldnt take much to sneak up and mug me, since im half def with no night vision. when i finally made it to my muffin producing refuge, and managing to open the door with hands that would refuse to function, i sat down, placed my order, and waited.  the service is quite poor here, but i had nothing but time and self loathing, so i didnt mention it.

as i sat there waiting for my eggs bennedict with hash browns, i did the same thing i always do on a midnight escapade, i people watched.  this isnt a very polite passtime, but is minimally intrusive, and can make long waits a bit more interesting.  now, normally i simply sit and apply my paradigms to my fellow nightowls, but tonight something was different.  there was a young lady sitting with her back to me one booth ahead of me across the isle.  this would normally make for prime people watching material, but something caught my eye about her.  she wasnt eating.  she had already eaten, and judging from the congelement of the cheese on her empty and neglected plate, she had been done for some time.  instead of eating, she sat there in her booth with a college ruled spiral notebook, and at least a dozen different colored pens.  i watched as she filled up three pages, emptied two and a half cups of coffee, and tapped her feet to a tune i could either not hear, or not begin to imagine.  i doubt i’ll ever know what she was writing in that notebook, but i hope it’s as beautiful and inspirational as i imagine it to be.

as i ate, i watched two couples a few tables down from me.  the group consisted of two black men around mid-20’s, and what i can only percieve to be their girfriends.  one of the young ladies was white, and the other was asian, or at least that’s what i think, i never really got a great look at her.  but they sat there the the restaraunt, eating and laughing, telling jokes to the wait staff as they passed by, and even helping the poor server when she was having a hard time carrying everything ff from their table.  i doubt i’ll ever know what made them so happy and considerate, but i hope it lasts for as long as i imagine it will.

like  said before, i dont know what or why it happened, exactly when it hit me, or what set it off, but somewhere beween the rediculously warm blueberry muffin, and the rather room temperature hashbrowns, i didnt feel so bad about everything.  as i was looking over my bill, and trying to see how much money i had for a tip, the young lady in the nearby booth let out a small squeak, and began sribbleing furiously in her notebook, her once neatly aranged pens not thrown haphazardly about the table in a effort to keep pace with a muse. it was then that i happened to look up and noticed the passion in her face for whatever it was she was creating.

as a token of my appreciation for the much improved mood, i left a hearty tip. i hope i made the night a little easier for my rather flustered server.  if not, then at least she can get a little closer to her books for next semester.

after i left, i soon found myself back in the k-mart parking lot, walking along near the building.  what was once a gloomy wasteland, was now a macabre paradise, the stiff wind now a gentle push towards home. 

on my way home, as i have finally taken to calling this room my home, i noticed that a great number of the potted plants outside the store had been tipped over in the wind.  i also noticed that there was a great deal of trust displayed by k-mart to leave so many plants out overnight while across the sreet from campus.  it seemed wrong to just leave them there to sit around sideways, so i set them upright, and where the larger ones would no longer support their own weight, i leaned them against the building. after i had finished, i realized that several times tonight, i had finally taken my own advice, and practiced random acts of kindness.  i doubt i’ll ever know if what i did will be appreciated, or even noticed, but i hope im not the only one to do it.

that was what i was thinking as i turned away and let the guiding breeze carry me home.

till things are brighter.

nick.