One Year…..

Well, it was one year ago this week that we lost Cheryl to pneumonia. A particular OD friend and his wife have been on my mind this week as his wife has been in the hospital with some pretty serious health issues. My thoughts and prayers have been going out to them.
The past year has been difficult to say the least. The loss of my wife was a devastating blow to all of us, and being thrust into the role of a TRULY single parent has been hard. I’ve had to take on extra for years because of Cheryl’s health issues, but she was always there for moral support and to talk to about any problems, to bounce ideas off of even when she wasn’t physically able to be present due to hospitalizations or illness. Now there’s no one to talk to, and no one to even lend moral support. It’s a very lonely road even with the boys almost grown. And then there’s the milestones we’ll experience without her here. She never met our third grandson, Grant. She will not see Bradley and Brian finish growing up, getting married, having children. It’s hard to imagine all the landmarks that she won’t be part of, and my mind has been dwelling on all of them this week.
Death is an inevitable part of life, and I’ve lived through my fair share, it just doesn’t get easier with time.
My grandmother used to remark that we don’t die because we get old, we just let go because we get tired of outliving everyone we loved and want to be with them again. It doesn’t seem like such a flippant remark anymore.
The last two weeks have wrought a few positive (I hope)changes here. Bradley called again asking to come home. He included all the standard apologies and promises to straighten up. I made professional counseling a condition of giving him a trial basis return home and he agreed to it. He has been to a counseling session and has another scheduled. He has done pretty well this week, so I’m cautiously hopeful that he is serious. It’s not that I don’t expect bumps in the road, but at least if he’s serious there’s hope.
Anyway, work is going well, Brian is doing well, and we survived the week, so all is not bad.
UPDATE: OMG, After a very pleasant day, Brad just asked permission to go to a girls house to have sex tomorrow! While I appreciate the honesty of the request, I can’t in good conscience say that I think it’s okay. He’s been doing good, and I want to encourage him, but COME ON! I know he’s almost twenty years old now, but I am just not that progressive. What to do, what to do?