As The World Turns….

I feel like life is a soap opera some days.  Brad was at the house when I came home yesterday.  He said he has been thinking about things since we had a big blow up last Friday.  He was at the house and began cursing at me.  I blew my top and said things that, while they may have been truthful, could have been phrased with a bit more love.  It didn’t happen that way.  I have to say that my words were brutal and cruel and that I am ashamed of some of the things I said in anger.

He said that after he left here, he slept in the woods for a couple of days, and was hitchiking on the freeway when a man picked him up.  They began talking and Brad told his story, or his version, and the man began speaking honestly to him.  He told him that he should get his act together, get off drugs, etc.  Bradley said the man told him all the things I’ve been saying for the last couple of years but that somehow, it sunk in.  He came to tell me he’s sorry for all he’s done and he wants to get professional counseling and try to put all this behind him.  I want to believe him, but I’m still gun shy.

He’s asked to come back home, and I told him I need time to think about it.  I want to help him however I can if he’s ready, but is he really ready or is this more smoke and mirrors?  I’m going out of town for a few days tomorrow to see my sister, and if he is still in the same frame of mind when I come home on saturday, I will try to help him set up professional counseling and get him back and forth.   I still don’t know about letting him move back in.  That’s beyond me right now.  He seems penitant right now, and I’m sure he means it right now. but what about a week or two weeks from now?  I know addiction and he could well be playing more games of manipulation just to come in out of the cold.  I don’t know.

If this were anyone else but one of my children the answer would be cut and dried, but it’s not anyone else.  It’s Bradley.  That makes a difference to me.  All I know is that I can’t make any decisions based on emotion, I have to be rational and make the best decisions for all concerned.  My heart will betray me where my sons are concerned.  All I want to do is protect them from the harsh realities of life, but I can’t do that or they will never be able to cope out in the real world. 

Whether this is the turning point or not, at least he has been thinking about the direction his life is taking.  If it doesn’t happen now, at least it gives me hope for the future.  I guess when I return on Saturday, we will see if he is serious about trying to fix his life.  Lord, I pray he’s serious and willing to commit now, so that it won’t be harder later for him.  I know that the longer a person is in the throes of addiction the harder it becomes to bounce back.  Keep us in prayer, send out positive thoughts, whatever your belief system is, we could use it still.  Thanks. 

I won’t be online for a few days, as my sister has no internet where I’m headed tomorrow.  Take care all, and thank you for all the support you’ve given me here.  And Michael, you and Denise are in my prayers.