Thank You OD Friends

fI haven’t been on in a couple of days, but I wanted to thank my OpenDiary friends for their words of encouragement.  Still no resolution here, I’m trying to obtain a calm mind before Brad and I talk again.  He’s still not doing what he needs to do, so I’m afraid making him leave is going to be inevitable.  I’ve been upset over the dishes and housework the last couple of days.  The boys and I rotate chores.  It was his night to do the dishes, I reminded him three or four times before I finally went to bed.  I woke up at 3:30am to find Brian doing them.  When I questioned him, he said Brad had gone to sleep instead.  He reminded him, told him he was going to do them, but telme that he had done them, not Brad.  Brad’s response was, "l’ll just tell him to f^^k off."

Naturally, he never said any such thing, but it still hurts me and makes me angry.  Today, we have things to do, I told him he had to pick up the living room.  Instead, he went down to a friends house without doing it. I have to leave the house in about an hour, and he is supposed to go with us out to dinner.  I’m not going to call him or remind him, but if he’s not back and the cleaning isn’t done as I asked, I’m taking his truck key away, and telling him how I feel. 

At this point, I don’t feel like he’s earned a vehicle, or the cell phone, or the computer, or much of anything I give him.  If he doesn’t like it, or doesn’t feel he can live under my rules, he is free to leave.

I refulse to live through another year like the last one.  I can’t change the death of my wife, but I can eliminate the stress and pressure in my own household.   I guess I just feel like it’s time to get onboard or get off the ship completely.  If he doesn’t want to accept my help under my terms, which are only to stay drug free, go to school, and be responsible with his life, then he can leave.  At last my conscience is clear, I have done all I can,  the rest is up to him.

Again, thanks to all of you for your encouragement and prayers, it means a lot.  It’s been difficult without my wife to talk to and to have do this without any support at all.  You have all been a lifesaver for me, more than you know.