monday morning

Hi. I’m writing this morning from work, where I don’t have internet connection (so I’m saving it as a doc on my puter), but I thought it was important to try to take a break from homework and write this morning. Alas, the baby is not sleeping soundly, which complicates things, and distracts me a bit.

I’ve been working on homework, I’ve got a pretty big project due today, by midnight, and I’ve still got a considerable amount of research to do still, both online and at the local public library, let alone editing my writing, fixing all the formatting mess to make it look neat and presentable, and then turn it in.

I’ve got miles to go before I sleep, for sure. I’ll stop at the public library after work to finish up my research with print resources, then either work online at the library for the online sources, or head home. I’m going to try to fix all the formatting challenges (why does Word have to be such a headache if it detects that you might be doing an outline?? It looks like i have to turn that off, and design my own outline, or else this whole project will look a horrid mess).

I wrote on the whiteboard in the kitchen, “School is a gift.” Right now, it’s hard to remember that when I am in the midst of assignments, so it was good to think of that idea, and write it down to remind me. But if I think about it, getting an advanced education is truly a gift. Being able to afford it is a huge gift. Being able to do something that will give me skills so I can get a professional job is a huge gift. It’s certainly better odds to get a librarian or research job than it is to try to get a job as a professor in English with a PhD. So right now, in my effort to reduce stress, I’m keeping in mind beautiful things like that.

As for my Lent plan, here are my thoughts thus far. I’ll try to formulate a solid plan by Wednesday, but in the meantime, I’m working on trying to lower stress already, to get in the habit of it early so that it’s not so hard of a process. Every little bit helps!

So here are some tangible things I am considering doing.

Write in my gratitude journal every day. At least 3 things to be grateful for. I’m sure I could write a whole page, but as this is just one part of my plan, I need to make each step doable, especially if it is a daily task.

Write a blog post 4-5 times a week. Again, this is making things doable, I’ll know by Sunday if I did 4-5 times that week, and I can also post multiple times in a day if I need to meet that quota. That’s a good way to handle my changeable schedule, and still meet my goal each week. The idea behind blog posting is to get my thoughts out, let myself blather on a bit to relieve pressure. There are no rules here, I can write about anything I want. I can redefine the rules if my writing becomes stressful if too focused on the negative, but the point is to just write, so it is ok to write about negative things if I want to.

Thoughts will be my biggest challenge, to begin to realize what I am actually thinking about, and if it is causing stress, will be the big first step. Once I realize it, I will have a few topics I can focus on to replace negative thoughts. Replacement is the best way to get out of a bad habit. Ideally those positive or calming topics will actually be written down on a list that I will keep in my purse.

I know one stressful pattern for me is my tendency to get really irritated by people. Like the girl checking her cellphone during mass last night. My idea is that it doesn’t do me any good to get mad at a stranger acting like a dork. So I’ll need to have a good replacement therapy for those situations to learn how to better handle that stress.

A great example for me is how I handled cigarette smokers. I used to get so irritated and mad when I saw smokers, largely because I’m very allergic to smoke. But it didnt do me any good to get mad and rant like a crazy person. So I decided to train myself whenever I saw a smoker, to first exhale for as long as I could and then to take in a deep breath. It worked, sometimes I find myself doing that automatically when I see a smoker. It was a smart thing to do to teach myself to do that, as it’s calming and feels a lot better than getting mad. So I can either practice the breathing exercise whenever someone starts to annoy me, or I can find another replacement plan.

Generally, I will also aim to do certain things that are known to reduce stress. Like rest. Allowing myself to rest is tough, but it’s very helpful. So I’ll let myself rest. I’ll do some yoga. I’ll play video games with K. I’ll go for walks with him.

Another thing I have been thinking about is trying to reduce stress about school by going somewhere to work on homework. The challenging thing is that we have great wifi at home, but home is so very distracting. There’s an university library nearby I can go to, where I can at least study stuff if not have wifi. I can try the public library if I need wifi access, which is a bit further away but not terribly so, and perhaps a walk of less than a mile will give me a chance to get some fresh air and sunshine.

I talked with a friend who mentioned a couple they know, the guy worked at home, but it was driving him a bit stircrazy to work at home. They eventually decided it was worth it to have him rent an office somewhere. It helped to hear that someone else was going a bit stircrazy working at home. I can at least take that challenge more seriously for me, and consider some options. K and I have been discussing it and brainstorming some ideas. It’s challenging to go out, but I think I work better away from home, I get more done. And it seems like that will make me so much happier. It’s definitely worth the effort to try.

So, those are my loose ideas about giving up stress for lent. I’m formulating a solid plan so that I can succeed at this goal, and feel like I accomplished my goal. I think it will be worth it and it will improve my quality of life.

As a dear friend noted me recently: I have so much to be grateful for, this is a beautiful time of life for me, and I want to be able to enjoy it. I needed that reminder. (thank you!).