Getting what you want, part 1

So, here’s what I’ve learned. This is what worked for me. It seems that the principles are basic and true for all, but most importantly, you will know if something is right for you because it will resonate with your heart.

unless you’re too busy creating blockades in your life. then you’ll probably think it’s hogwash or whatever, and continue building up blockades. have fun with that. hehe. 😉

I had a few readers ask me how I get what I want, so I thought it would be fun to share what I’ve learned.

Step One.

Deal with what you don’t want.

If you read my earlier entry where I talked about my past job and other jobs, you might have noticed I listed “what did not work in my past job.” Why?

Because I have learned that if you don’t deal with the past, you stay stuck and somehow you cant get something new.

Or worse, if you do get something new, you’ve got the same darn problem all over again.

Now, when I say ‘deal with the past’ I don’t mean ranting to everyone you know, 5 hours a day, about everything that pissed you off.

You might have met people who do that, and how attractive are those people? Not very. They are repellant. You probably don’t even want to say “how are you” because you’ve learned the hard way that it means you’re in for a very long rant about several things.

I also don’t mean sugar coat everything and say it was all perfect.

Some things work, and some dont, in just about every situation. Dating, jobs, where you live, etcetera.

So spend a bit of time looking at what didn’t quite work for you. I like writing it out. And sometimes talking it out once I’ve written it out. K is really good to listen to what I learned by writing it out, so having a good person to process it with is great.

If it’s something big and messy, you might need to process it for some time, and you might need some help with a therapist or whatever works for you. I’ve had a good amount of therapy in the past, and while I learned a few useful tips from some therapists, I have actually had the most therapeutic healing from journaling. That’s what worked for me.

I consistently wrote for about half an hour or so, most every day, for several years. It was great because it helped me learn who I am, and process who other people were, and gave me a chance to understand their actions. And it helped me read people better. Which helped me function better in relationships in my life, friendships, dating, work relationships, etcetera.

And I had to process a hell of a lot of awful stuff. Pretty much the worst of the worst. Journaling is what worked for me.

At any rate, in dealing with the bad stuff, the goal is to deal with it and move on.

Here’s what that looks like:

At my last home, I had a lot of hassles and crap from my landlord. I had to work through a lot of negativity and frustrations about living at that apartment. So I did. I worked on processing the frustrations and healing my home to heal me. So now, whenever I see my old apartment building, which is pretty often since I live just a few blocks away from it, I actually find myself smiling from ear to ear. I look at that building and smile. I smile big. Why? Because it’s healed. It’s that healed that I smile before I even know it. It’s healed all the way through.

For old relationships, I’ve processed the hurt and betrayal and messiness, and if they come to mind, I smile. Why? Because I’m thinking about how grateful I am for the lessons I learned from that experience. I know why I was there and what I learned. And it is good.

What I think is that you can’t move on to something else, and something better, if you’re still holding onto the past.

And what is kind of amazing is that once you process the past, sometimes you are ready so fast for the next thing that it happens to drop into your life quickly. Boom, you’ve got 2 fabulous new jobs that are now a better fit for you life, and bring exactly what you were looking for – people who are more enthusiastic and adore you and are grateful for your help.

That’s what happened to me. That’s what I didnt get in my last job, and all of a sudden I am showered with two new families who have already been telling me how grateful they are to have me and how they know their children are in the best hands. I’ve only worked 1 day for 1 family!

So if you are stuck, work on the past. And when I say work on the past, work on it for the least amount of time possible.

Write out what didnt work for you.

Then write out what would work better for you.

Your goal is to move on, not to complain. So your focus is on asking yourself, “What do I really need? What would help me thrive? What would support me and make me feel safe and secure?”

Often the answer is the opposite of what you had. That’s the easy tip for you. For example:

I didn’t like that the family I worked for wasn’t very appreciative of me. They said thank you, but never really appreciated that I did exactly what they wanted (even when it was nuts to do so). They demanded a lot, and never really appreciated all I did for them. And I’ve had most families express so much appreciation for my work. So then I wrote that what really works for me is to have families who really appreciate my help and tell me so, and are enthusiastic about having me there. And I focused my thoughts on those good experiences.

So that’s step 1.

Acknowledge what didn’t work, then say what would work better for you. Focus your thoughts on what would help you thrive. Done.