etiquette breaches bother me

So my last entry garnered some interesting responses.

for the record, in general, etiquette breaches bother me. It pushes my buttons when people are rude in general circumstances. not just due to the wedding.

why?

because of the r*. to be honest.

ever since surviving that, I have found it pretty intolerable to have people break the rules.

granted, I was a rule follower, and an etiquette follower beforehand, but the r* triggered something about safety in my psyche, and it doesnt surprise me that people breaking rules would trigger that panic inside me. because if anything, r* is breaking rules, not caring about how someone feels about what you are doing, being entirely and utterly selfish, and harming someone on the deepest level.

because ultimately it feels like my safety is at risk when people do the unexpected.

of course it does.

I’ve done a very nice job of surviving and working through the damage, and living my life happily and well, and this is just a last vestige of that for me.

driving, too, rather scares me a lot. if people dont use their turn signal, I freak out. if people do unexpected things and break the rules, I freak out more than I ever did before. granted, I didnt own a car for 11 years and now I’ve owned one for about 6 months, so I’m still getting back into the swing of driving and becoming familiar with it, as well as familiar with drivers doing dangerous and random things.

and if you havent noticed, we all get a bit stressed out before any big event. think of how you are the day of a graduation, family reunions, big church events, formal situations, etcetera. roll them all together in one big pot and you’ve got a wedding.

so of course I’m going to rant in one safe spot where nobody knows me, and I can say what I really think, when I am expected to maintain a straight face when people ask me if they can break the etiquette rules.

It’s just mean, I think, that they are doing this stuff. thoughtless, unkind, and downright rude.

No, the 12 year old does not own just one dress. She had wanted to be a flowergirl in the wedding, and so she asked us outright if she could be soon after we got engaged, and I said I didnt know, we hadnt decided. She started announcing to family, unbeknownst to us, that she was going to be the flowergirl, someone eventually told us, and I requested that she be told honestly that she was wrong. When a kid is doing that, an adult parent or grandparent or something should be responsible enough to educate the child about what is appropriate behavior.

While I understand she felt disappointed, she unfortunately set herself up for that. We did not do that to her. So she wanted to wear her white dress to pretend she was a flowergirl, or to be a last minute flowergirl without our permission. she is a hyperactive child who isnt behaving appropriately, and she really needed the adults in her life to intervene. I am happy she is allowed to be attending our wedding, because of her out of control behavior, we considered not allowing children to attend. She is being allowed to attend on condition that she behaves appropriately.

so. with all that information, you can hopefully understand why I told her grandmother and legal guardian that she needed to be taught what was appropriate to wear at a wedding.

she has a new dress and her first ever high heels to wear to the wedding, which is far more appropriate to her age now rather than trying to push herself into a flowergirl role. and hopefully she will act maturely and appropriately at the reception.

so. you know. boohoo and all because I survived a r*. I’m not giving you a sob story. I’m just explaining why it’s a lot harder for me to deal with people breaking the rules. especially them consciously doing so, and telling me so way ahead of time. we’re not talking about an honest mistake here, I’d understand if people honestly didnt know you dont wear a white dress to a wedding, but they are telling me about it ahead of time and obviously know the rule they want to break. we’re talking about people consciously doing this. and I think that in itself is rude.

so here I am, saying so in a private forum. it is rude.