Jagged

How I dread the darkness;
for where the mind wanders
so follows the body.
The Valley of the Shadow of
Death a nightly destination,
an indistinguishable line running
between nightmare and decay.
What is life when the mind
dreams of dying?
Bile boils in my stomach,
rust courses through my veins.
With jagged fingernails I slash
away my wrists, praying
to purge the pain.

I awake to my own screaming;
to the taste of blood; muscles tensing
violently, joints hyperextending.
But I have not died.
Forcefully, from trembling eyelids
I rub out sleep and pick rust
from under my fingernails.

–note: i’m not depressed. rewriting old shit.

so how about some news too? i’ve been working a consistant 44 hours a week. I was forcefully moved to a different campus because someone filed sexual harassment against me. but at least i didn’t lose my job. plus this other campus is way easier. instead of children with crazy behavioral autism related problem, the kids at my school just pretty much all have ADHD. still use the same techniques in dealing with children, only now i don’t have to worry about getting bit and punched and needing to chase fools. so it’s all gravy. loving what i do.

and in other good news, midnite has a new girlfriend! it’s been about a couple months now. not really keeping track of time. didn’t really expect it to happen. but it did happen and it’s going good. the burn of the last relationship still lingers tho. i don’t like it. i’m still afraid of getting hurt and lingering on what the hell it was i did wrong. i guess i’m not totally over her yet. totally. but that doesn’t mean i’m not happy with what i have now. anyway, hope all is well to whomever reads this still. may the new year start with funny drunken memories!