Day 143

I’ve been stuck in negative thoughts, lately. I feel for what my extended family is going through; but my brain is obsessing over things that ultimately have no other affect on my life. I need to stop making excuses and focus on my own goals.

My first step has been to get my eating and weight under control. I had been snacking frequently and late at night, as well as drinking beer. I’ve been trying to focus on eating more vegetables, less meat and processed foods. I made hummus for the first time, yesterday – which ended up being way easier and ultimately cheaper than I had thought. The tahini is the most expensive part; however, recipes only call for about 1/3 so I can make multiple batches for the price of one commercial container of hummus dip. I switched to a lower sugar greek yogurt, I can’t go full plain, it’s too bitter. I like to use plain greek yogurt as a replacement for sour cream haha. Last week I was finally able to perfect my baked/breaded cauliflower bites, which are a great substitute for chicken nuggets. Tonight I make tacos with black beans instead of ground beef.

Next step is to cut out the alcohol and to drink more water. I think that requires me using coping skills and just straight up developing some self discipline. I only have 2-3 beers, if I drink during the week, but I do get a buzz and I know its self medicating. I had been sober for 18mos by the time covid started, just because my drinking had started getting out of hand and my behavior was becoming embarrassing. Now I’m agitated all day and I’m not particularly productive when I do drink. It would be easier if I felt comfortable leaving the house to join a club or something, but there I go making excuses again.

Going to bed at a decent time would be my next goal. Its just difficult to see the point in a schedule when I don’t have a reason to be up and feeling rested by a certain time. I know I would feel better mentally and physically, though.

I have to hold myself accountable