Nightmares and Dreamscapes

 A few nights in the past week have featured that ‘Shot in the Head’ nightmare that I am not at all fond of. I wouldn’t care so much if I were just shot in the head and then I woke up. But its its that sensation of the bullet moving through my skull and turning and the fact that I can feel everything that I can’t stand. And then of course that equally unnerving sensation of it all going in reverse again so it ‘never happened.’

Last night I different dream. Nightmare? I can’t decide. I was horrified, but not to the point where I woke up screaming. So maybe just a bad dream. 

I had a dream about Carissa last night. (I know.) I don’t know where it came from, because I honestly haven’t given her a thought in weeks. (Its been a good few weeks.) Anyway, I was in my bed, and I was just waking up. To the sound of a screaming baby that sounded eerily like Mason. (Her now stepson.) I get up, put on my robe. Come out of the room, and I see Mason in his pack-and-play. Screaming his head off. Carissa comes around the corner (pregnant as FUCK) and says, "Don’t worry about him. He just needs to get it all out." 

And I slap her. 

"Who let you into this house? What the fuck are you doing here? We are NOT going to be doing this again. Pack your shit. You’re leaving. Right now. Let’s go." 

Only to find out that Sam let them move back in. They "Lost ‘their’ house, and they don’t have anywhere to go. Besides, she’s pregnant," Sam tells me. I then look at Carissa and see that she’s twice as pregnant as she was since I last looked at her two seconds ago. Like, she went from looking like she had maybe one baby in her stomach, to looking like she had twelve. And she says, "I’m going to have more kids than the Octo-Mom! 😀 "

And then I pictured not just one neglected child screaming their head off in a pack-and-play, but thirteen. And it was terrible. 

That’s when I woke up. Thankfully, to an empty house. I was really going to lose my shit if I woke up and it was still July 2012 or something. You know what, I think that qualifies as a nightmare. 

Can I go back to having normal dreams? Like that dream where I was a contestant on that SyFy show "Face Off"? I mean. I lost. But I made some awesome stuff. And it was really cool. Or that dream where I went on the Jespersen Family Vacation, and we all took these pills so we could breathe underwater and had an epic underwater adventure? (I’m pretty sure Bonnie was drunk the whole time in that dream, and it was awesome.) Why can’t I go back to having dreams like that? These nightmares are not leaving me rested. And they kind of need to stop now, please. 

ALW