Nightmares

I have barely slept in the past three days. I keep having this really vivid nightmare where everything feels and sounds real. Which I absolutely hate, because those kinds of dreams are never good dreams. I never have a dream where I’m doing something awesome and it is so vivid and detailed that it feels real enough that when I wake up, I feel like I’ve been on an epic adventure. No. Its always something terrible. Like this current nightmare that I’ve had for the past three nights.

I can’t remember most of it. Nor can I remember how I arrived at this particular situation in this dream. But it always ends with me shooting myself in the mouth with a shotgun. And then, instead of dying (like a normal person) the wound through the back of my head heals itself. And I swear I could feel the whole thing happening from shot to regrowth. And it hurts and tingles and it feels so weird. And just as the wound is finishing healing itself, I wake up. (In a panic.) 

I am really hoping that this isn’t my subconscious trying to tell me something. Because not only is that scary as fuck- but I’m pretty sure I am not depressed or suicidal.

Haven’t really wanted to go to sleep lately. But now I’m at that point where I kind of have to get the rest, because I don’t want to fall asleep during daily activities. Like driving to or from work. (At work, I am less concerned about.)

Maybe I’ll pop a sleeping pill and hope for that ‘blackout sleep of the dead.’ (Poor choice of phrase there.)

ALW