Time Heals All Things

Monday night I went out with M for coffee. We met at a Starbucks in Bristol at about 5.30pm. I got there at about 4.30pm because I was worried I was going to be late. So I read my book (‘The Dark Tower’ by Stephen King. 7th installation.) for half an hour, then went inside and ordered a small decaf coffee and continued to read for the next half hour. I was so nervous I thought I was going to be sick. I kept thinking that maybe she changed her mind and she didn’t want to see me afterall, and just wouldn’t show. And then I thought that maybe she would show, but instead of reconciling with me like I thought had been happening, she would yell at me and make a scene and make me feel terrible.

5.30pm rolled around, and she came into the coffee shop. And… neither of those things happened. Which isn’t suprising at all. We hugged, and we asked each other how the other was doing and stayed and talked until about 8.30pm. I actually had a good time. We got caught up on what we were both doing, how our families were doing. I looked her in the eye and apologized to her face. (I still feel like if you can’t say what needs to be said to someone’s face, then maybe you shouldn’t be saying it at all. Especially when it comes to apologies.) And then we had a laugh over a picture I gave her about ten years ago when we were in middle school.

She found this about April 2012, took a picture of it and posted it on Facebook under the title, "Well…this is me calling you." 

I remember making her that poster. I remember writing that note. And although it hasn’t been twenty-some-odd years, almost  ten years later it still makes me laugh.

That’s the picture in the picture. By kishokahime on DevArt. I left it huge so the text could be read. LOOKIT THE LITTLE HOBBIT FEET!

I wish I could say that she was happier, now. She isn’t. I think she is unhappier now than she was the last time I saw her. She and her boyfriend have broken up. (But are still good friends, from what I understand.) She’s living in my town, just a couple of blocks from my house, with her mother (Whom she is supporting.) She’s working a crap job that (from what I understand) gives her no fufillment. Her father (who took care of me when my parents failed to do so, and whom I always respected) cheated on her stepmother and they’re now divorced (or at least separated) and is living with his mistress. Her cat died. She says she has no friends. (I believe her. That isn’t meant to be mean, I just believe her when she says that doesn’t have friends up here. All her friends are from college and such and not in this area.) And she is depressed. Greatly.

I know I don’t have a whole lot going for me, but at least I’m happy.  I feel terrible knowing and seeing how far she’s fallen. I don’t know how often she’s going to want to see me, but I’m going to be making the effort to see her more. And often. I think she really needs a friend right now, and I want her to know that she isn’t alone.

She asked me if I would teach her how to knit. Of course, I said yes. When I told her how I started knitting, she said that maybe it could work for her, too.

I’m glad I waited to talk to her, though. I think we both needed that time in between to grow. By the end of the evening, we were talking with each other like almost no time had passed. I really am hoping that things can be properly mended between us.

I’m going to clean up the house of all the Christmas stuff on Thursday and finally get some organization back into this place. We’ve re-arranged the Blue Room to make a space for the pellet stove, and I am not a fan. Something needs to change there, and since Sam hasn’t gotten to it, the task is going to have to fall to me. Probably along wih replacing the coat rack that fell in the mud room last week. He says he has another wall-mounted coat rack in the basement, but I have yet to see this thing. Nor has it made it to the wall. We have coats everywhere. I am displeased.

I don’t know what my reason is for my lack of motivation to clean the house has been lately. I want to, but when I go to do it, nothing happens. I don’t know if its a seasonal depression (you can always tell when my mood falls based on how clean the house is, and I am known to walk down the corridor the seasonal depression) or its that I’m just too overwhelmed by how much needs to get done that I opt to just let it go. Even now, I have a sink full of dirty dishes that I am basically just ignoring. And have been. For a week. They’re all stacked and arranged in the washbin, and I’ve filled said washbin up with hot, soapy water about eight times. But I’ve only gotten so far as cleaning the dishes that I need in order to prepare whatever meal I’m making.

I think it is more that I’m just overwhelmed by how much stuff needs to get done. Because I don’t feel depressed. I have plenty of ‘Get Up and Go’ but when I ‘Go’ I don’t end up anywhere. Its mostly putting away all the things we got or Christmas. I feel like we made out like bandits this year, and there are just piles of things everywhere. Clothes. Knick-knacks. Kitchen Widgets still in their boxes. Books. Movies. Tools. Things that still need to be returned and OMG I’d better get on that like, last week.

Then there is the actual cleaning, nevermind the task of finding places in the house for all of these new things. The bathroom floor needs to be scoured, along with the shower, and the kitchen floor. I need to find the surface of the kitchen table. organize all of the bills and make sure they’re paid on time. Vacuum ALL the things. Dust- because I can’t walk anywhere in this house without sneezing right now. Wash all the new clothes that we got for Christmas, and get all of the laundry done that we have piled up. I need to rearrange the shelves on the book case for the movies, because we got a bunch of new ones and they have to be alphabetized. I need to organize my yarn, because now I’m finding it all over the house, because for some reason I am in the habit of taking out a skein of yarn, using it for twenty seconds, and then just leaving it wherever it falls. (That needs to stop.) I have to clean out and pretty much bleach the upstairs fridge. We’ve barely eaten at home since I think Thanksgiving? I’m pretty sure I might actually have more than

one science experiment growing in there. (If you know me, that is unheard of.)

Yeah. We’re going with overwhelming piles of cleaning and organizing to do. That’s why it hasn’t been done yet. But it all needs to get done before I even want to think about having people over. Its a good thing I’m hosting Knit Night next week! That will be my motivation to get it all done!

Looking forward to this year, I think. I keep referencing how I think the year is going to go, but I really do have a good feeling about 2013. Its going to be a year of healing, and a year of cleansing. I just know it.

ALW</p