11/13/2012*

Last night, I had a dream where if you took a pill, you could breathe under water. And I went on a vacation with the Jespersen family, where we went to this place that offered it, and it was super cool. Mr. J was so excited. I wish that vacation really happened. I wish there really was a pill for that, because that would be awesome.

Last night was a special brand of awful. After Carissa de-friended me, I sent her this huge letter. Basically saying I’m not entirely sure where this coming from and I’m sad to see that things are going down this road. Which is true. I had once considered Carissa one of my closest friends. I know a lof things have happened over the past few months (over the past year) and there were a lot of factors in this final outcome. Part of me wishes she had never moved in with Sam and I, because I think that had that never happened, we wouldn’t be where we are now. Although I am equally certain that if it weren’t happening now, it would happen at a later date. There’s that other part of me telling me that our friendship was always heading towards this trainwreck of an end.

We spent a good deal of last evening messaging each other on Facebook. Me telling her how I feel about the situation, and why I feel the way that I do. And her discounting everything that I to say and turning it all around so it was all about what I was doing wrong. All while never really answering anything that I had brought up. This morning I made the executive decision to not speak to her any more. I told her I will be civil and respectful to her on the occasions that we may see each other, but I will not be going out my way to make a friendship with her anymore. I have no trust in her. Either as a person or as a friend. I’m tired of sticking my neck out and dropping everything that I am doing to make her happy, or make sure that she is okay. Not when what I do is never enough. Not when when what I do is thrown back in my face the second I make a mistake and unappreciated. 

She just is not the same person that I used to know. Its amazing how a person can change in the course of a year. 

But such is life. 

I’m almost finished with my Christmas shopping, and I’m getting on Sam about starting his. At least thinking about what he’s going to do for his family. Its going to be a quiet year for (at least me and my family) gifts. Last year we went all out. This year, little things. Actually, I’m going all out for Sam, if I can. He’s been really awesome this year, and he got me this awesome laptop: The one thing that I not only wanted to but needed to replace. So I’m working on getting him the 444Marlin he’s been after. I’ve already talked to my brother, Joey, about it, and he’s says he’ll see what he can come up with. 

 Speaking of holidays, Christopher isn’t coming to Thanksgiving. He had an all-out argument with my dad when he came down this past weekend, and it resulted in Christopher not wanted to come home for the holidays. He is so mad at my dad he can’t even look at him, he says. He IS going to come and spend part of his Thanksgiving break with me and Sam. So that isn’t so bad. I completely understand where he is coming from, and I don’t hold anything against him. If I had had the same argument with my dad, I wouldn’t come to holidays, either.

And speaking of never seeing Christopher again: He says he’s taking a job down in Raleigh, North Carolina when he graduates. Again, I completely understand his desire to move away from his family. (He says that’s the biggest factor in taking the job.) And I know this is where he needs to be, in terms of being on his own and independance. I’m proud of him and all that, but I’m going to miss him.

He’s the best person I know in my entire family. And I’ll be reduced to seeing him (maybe) twice a year.

I wish my dad weren’t such a dick. But I guess its true when they say you can’t pick your family.

WE GOT RAISES AT WORK TODAY!

I got a whole 25 cents! Goes into effect with this week’s paycheck. I’m stoked!

You would think that a quarter wouldn’t be anything to brag about, but this year at work has been absolute shit. And getting this little boost makes a difference. Not a huge difference, but it definitely improved my mood for the rest of my shift today. That is something I can get behind.

And speaking of good things: Jess and I are joining Planet Fitness on Thursday! I’m actually really excited about it. We’re going to join the one up by her. I’ve been wanting to join up for a while now, and especially with the cold coming in and the shorter days, going to the gym would be a lot more convenient than finding things to do around the house or going walking. And I have a gym buddy! I think this will be good for the both of us.

CHOW for now. 🙂

ALW