13/08/2020

The heat seems as though it may finally break. The last week and half have been horrendous. I always feel bad moaning about the weather but I’ve met so many people over the last few days who have echoed my own thoughts that I’ve felt comfortable voicing my opinions. It’s been too hot. Too dam hot to do anything. I remember it must have been earlier last year when the heat got really bad when I was working at the prisons, and going onto the blocks was just horrendous. Absolutely fcking horrendous. I remember walking about in a kind of mechanical sense because I was sweating everywhere, ab-so-lute-ly everywhere and it was horrible. I felt horrible, my mental health was terrible and it didn’t feel like it was ever going to end. If only I’d known, if only I’d known then just what was around the corner.

I have such a strange way of dealing with adversity. I go through hell, and then it ends and I carry on largely without thinking about it. Sometimes I think this is a strength and other times a weakness. I’m quite good at working out where negative symptoms come from- I’m good at picking the negative symptoms apart, lol I guess I’ll get better at all the other stuff.

I’m in the process of moving at the moment, is very exciting. Although also stressful and frightening. I haven’t quite let the frightening touch me yet, it does in small moments. I think it’s better to feel these emotions, instead of pushing them down and away.

Anyway, laters, will write more soon.