It’s the climb…

That’s how I feel lately like I’m constantly climbing, trying to keep my head up.. Every time I turn that corner something is standing in my way trying to knock me back down, but I’m determined to stay strong and keep pushing my way through and climbing out of whatever comes my way.

My dads been going to Chemo once a week going at 1 hr stints followed by his normal dialysis for another 3hrs, it’s making him really warn down and tired, I can’t even talk to him on the phone with out wanting to cry you can hear it in his voice how tired he is even though he says he was feeling better, about 3 weeks ago he went in for another PET scan(it’s a scan that scans the tissue) to make sure the cancer hadn’t spread and if the chemo was helping shrink the other 40% of cancer the doctor had left in, also he’s been in a lot of pain specially when he tries to pee to the point of tears… He went in for his check up and update on the PET scan and the news is not good.. the Chemo is not helping him at all the cancer has re-spread all through the bladder but has not gone outside of the bladder yet and he has what they call a strep infection(he’s peeing out cancer tissue) and so they have put him on antibiotics and stronger pain killers. The reason the Chemo isn’t working is because his kidney’s are barely functioning and not able to filter the Chemo inside of the bladder, he has a surgery date set for Sept 2nd to remove his entire bladder, he’ll be in the hospital for approx 7 days, then I’ll be flying out to care for him for 3weeks… I’m so not looking forward to this…

I don’t know what it is about updating I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat here with an empty entry form sitting in front of me and I end up getting frustrated and just closing it out, I guess I’m just at the point to where I’ve bottled everything inside of me for so long I don’t want to let it out.. or maybe I’m just not ready to face it ionno? either way I guess I should write about a few things right?

About 8 days ago, me and Tommy were at the 711 gas station putting gas in the truck, I went to go give the lady inside the money and I stepped off the cement block thing that the gas pumps are on and next thing I know I feelhear a POP and I’m down on the ground, my bad ankle which I tore all the ligaments in when I was in the 6th, gave and I went down this is the only thing I can think of and well I re-tore them all, my ankle immediately swelled, and the pain don’t even get me started I’m still suffering from both along with bruising lots of it including my toes and my shin, if I’m on it for too long the swelling cuts off the circulation in my foot and it gets tingly and my calf has been super tight and crampy not only that my shin bone starts shooting pains and gets this weird tingling sensation in it… It’s slowly getting better I’ve been icing it a lot and elevating it even while I sleep, but at night and sometimes during the day it ACHES sooo badly it kills me.. Of course after I fell and told Tommy (which he never seen me fall or heard me) he yelled at me and then tried blaming it on my flip flops, then apologized about 10minutes later and started babying me lol, I have since thrown my flip flops away, little does he know that my mom had banned me from flip flops or sandles because without fail I would always take off the tip of my big toe so I never owned another pair until I was almost 21 yrs old lol anyway I’ll post some pics of it at the bottom…

I’m not really sure what else to talk about right now, I do have a facebook if anyone wants to add me I update there ALL the time lol.. Leave me a message and I’ll give you my email to find me 🙂

1st night

Day 1

Day 4 the dark areas are the bruising… I have more photo’s just haven’t loaded them but you get the gist of what I’m going through lol…