05/30/2013

 I’ve spent my whole life feeling not good enough…not good enough for anybody.  I’ve felt like no one wants me to be around..they just feel obligated.  Like I’m annoying.  the worst possible thing to say to me is anything along the lines of, "I wish you weren’t here."  I basically had that said to me.  It wasn’t a fleeting thought out of anger.  It was deliberate.  And that hurts more than anything.  I could understand that sometimes in the heat of an argument, things get said that the person doesn’t really mean.  But she’s said small things before, so I know its not an impulse.  Now, I feel like, more than ever, that I’m a burden in my house..that I’m a burden in everyone’s lives.  That I’m not worthy of good things.  That I truly suck as a person and that I’m defective and worthless.