Secret #6

 Secret #6:  I’m unhappy with who I am right now.  I shy away from any type of relationships with people, which makes them think I don’t like them and don’t want to have a relationship with them.  That’s not true at all.  I just need people to push down my walls and keep trying even if I seem standoffish.  But that’s not fair for me to expect them to do that.  I know its only right for me to put in half the effort.  

I want more than anything to have friendships that I can count on and an intimate relationship with a man I love, but I don’t think I’m good enough.  I know that sounds irrational, but knowing its irrational is buried by my feelings of inadequacy.  I can’t help but think, "Why would they ever want to be friends with me? There are so many better people,"  or "Once he actually gets to know me, he’ll realize that his ex-girlfriend or future girlfriend will be way better."  I hate feeling this way.  

I just wish that somebody would care enough to break down my walls and love me anyway.  But its not somebody else that I truly need…I need to do this myself.  I need to change and learn to feel like I am worth being friends with or loving.  I just have absolutely no idea how to do this on my own.