Long ago, but not so very long ago…

 Long story… will update it for myself when I get time.  NOw I’m gonna write what is in my head, not plan and write, if that makes sense.

Angry again… can feel it all over my body.  I feel it in my chest, it resonates through me.  I feel it in my neck.  So friggin angry with everyihing.  I feel i’m trying so hard and here I am again… alone and guyrt and pissed and ANGRY!  I could have killed her, I really could have.  So easy she thinks I have it, so easy living on my own away from everyone.  YEah it’s so fund and easy to do.  Try it you stupid person!  ARGH!  Hold it over me no more.  You can’t and won’t .  You’ve done int for the las ttime.  You have a graudge and I won’t expose myself to it anymore.  You have a chip on the shoulder.  But you somehow seems to skate by on it.  My problems have allowed you to slide.  But not anymore, I’m calling you out.  Time for you to recognize your own problems.  They play a part, itns’ not just me who has to man up to the situation..   And I’m not budgin this time.  I’ll work thru my anger but I refuse to be the bad guy.

HOw did I become the bad guy?  How is it that i"m the only one who tries to raise Lochlann right and I end up being evil?  I’m the one who spends time, is up EVERY night with him, plays with him and tries to be his father and I"m the bad guy.  I even try to feed him right .  What gives?

I can’t even cry anymore.  I don’t k now why.  It scares me.

So alone I sit again.  No calls on the phone.  Not one.  Been seperated for three weeks and no one knows, or , obviously gives a shit.  Kinda disheartening.

Must carry on though… must carry on.  And will.  Deep breaths and awareness.  Need to be awake and alert for wets.  Two more days.