I give up…

Women SUCK … I say that a lot. I guess what really sucks is the way they treat me. Am I really that hard to get along with? I think I’m too nice. I don’t say how I feel. I’m to obliging. I just assume that they would show me the same respect I show them. Nope… I get trampled on and pushed to the edge. I guess it’s my own fault in a lot of ways… Should stand my own ground. Ahhhhhhh fuck it.  If this doesn’t work out I’m done… Never doing this again ever.  Better off on my own. Do things my way.  Can’t get hurt, can’t get stepped on. Not gonna put my heart out for anyone.  Sounds cold but it would keep me sane.  Not worth the effort. After all I’m the only one making an effort. As always.  Fuck it I say fuck it!  Alone again, and I wish for it.  Maybe I’m wrong but I don’t care. All I have is me… And even me can’t handle me sometimes. So how am I supposed to support me, my son, and an egotistical "wife" who only worries about her and her interests? She always says it’s my fault anyway.   Argh!!!!!!!!  I can’t win… I give my all to my job, give my all to random strangers who need help, give my all to my son, and gave my all to my wife. Yet she wants more never giving back.  Whats left for me?  What’s left of me? Nothing… A bleeding soul and spirit that is quickly fading to nothing. I used to have such a strong spirit, I really did. But now I’m shattered… To quote the cardigans "look at all these losers u find them everywhere. They’re fucked up and annoying but somehow u seem to care." I’ve been with people at their worst… Done CPR on dead babies’, talked to men standing on ledges, and held the hand of a dying woman who had no one… Christ and then there’s 9/11… I’ve always given my all.  Y can’t someone b there for me?  No… I give everyone the basic decency everyone is entitled too, but where is mine?  Sorry but it’s not fair. I know to put others first but what about me? I don’t ask for much, I really don’t.  Should I b selfish and put me first?   Everyone else seems to do it.  It goes against all I’ve learned but I seem to b the one who pays. I mean will all this good will pay off when I’m standing at the golden gates lookin for a room.  I guess it will but what about the mean time? So I pay my dues now and only live to 32 cuz the caring and giving life is killing me? Yet these selfish fucks can live to 99 and could give a fuck about anyone.  How does this work out? I’m a smart guy, but help me out here! God… God damn… God why? I’ve followed the life you have chosen and look at me… I’ve failed at the job failed at family.  What do I have left? Nothing… An empty nothing who is quickly dying. Do something… Do something quick cuz I can’t hold on much longer.

Sadness… Utter and complete sadness.