swings both ways…

So now I’m in the other swing of bi-polar… The depression side.  Ya’s think I’d be able to sleep.  NOPE.  Still can’t sleep, still can’t eat… what the fuck?  Really, I though with depression you sleep all the time.  NOt me… wide awake and irritable as hell.  Great.  Do I ever get a break?

Saw the Doctor today and said my lithium level is non-existenet.  Great.  THanks for nothing.  Taking all these meds for nothing apparently.  Says it’s a great drug when it’s where it should be.  Ha.  THanks… meanwhile I suffer.  So is this all my fault then for having a low level?  The social worker made it sound like the meds don’t do anything anyway and it’s all in my head and how I deal with it.  So who am I to believe?  Makes no difference as I sit here, ready to commit career suicide and miserable.

Whatever…

Would love to be out at a bar obliterated with not a care in the world.  REally would.  It seems to work for so many, yet I try to   be rational and figure this all out.  Why bother.  Really, why bother.

LIfe sucks.  People suck.  It all sucks.