wheat kings and pretty things

i watched the OC, which i never do.  mischa barton can’t act. 

i’m talking to my sister on msn at the same time and totally lost that train of thought.

basically, the episode was about college and crap, and after it was over, i flopped backwards on the couch and smacked myself in the forehead.  i totally fucked myself over in highschool.  i don’t even want to get into that though, because i did the only thing i could, just what i had to do at that point in time. 

there is a very odd bug crawling on my wall.  what the hell?  its not even hot out yet.

i hate my job mostly.  as usual.  i just want to keep it for the summer, cus the whole four on four off thing will be awesome for summer.  i never end up working in summer cus .. i don’t want to..?  ya, thats how it usually ends up working out.  and i planned on figuring out, once and for all, what i should go to school for and be enrolled in something for september.  god, even january.  but i pulled my hair out all winter, and i’m sitting in the last place i was before all of it.  something is wrong with me.  the fact that i have to put so much thought into it .. and the fact that i DID. 

i am so, so frustrated.  and i’m tired of beating myself up and being so unhappy.