Projecting.

June 24, 2020

I have a job where my mind wanders quite a bit. Hence why I end up thinking about you a lot. I don’t know what you’re afraid of or it it’s just a convenient excuse to be cold to me without hurting my feelings.

I think about how you said I was being too much, expecting too much, pushing you to be my boyfriend. It’s still offensive to think about sometimes because you are the one who told me you had feelings. That you’re falling for me, the one who wanted us to call each other babe. You wanted me to be lovey and when I was you didn’t like it. It freaked you out. I don’t know. But I don’t appreciate you turning it back on me. I was just reciprocating.

It’s really scary how easily you would’ve said I love you without even being close to meaning it whatsoever. I’m so glad I stopped you.

And why have you stopped calling me bestie? I’ve been trying to just give you space and distance myself from you but then I think honestly what’s the point in talking anymore if there’s nothing there? I want my friend back.

It almost makes me sick to look at our old conversations. You were so different; Animated, engaged, happy to talk to me.

I feel like I’m constantly rapid cycling through emotions and scenarios. Like I’ll be okay I’ll get happy in the future working on myself and then we’ll be good again or it’s over, he’s gonna find someone else and I’ll be sad, I cut ties and it hurts for a while but is better in the end. Who really knows?