1983 – 1984

May — Fourteen. SO OLD! I’m having a party at Don Carter bowling and skate. They have a fantastic arcade there. Dragon’s Lair, Asteroids — all my favorites. There’s this Star Wars vector graphics game that I love. I’m not super great at video games. I got really good at Pitfall on my Atari but mostly I’d rather watch someone else play. I’ve been wearing jeans and long pants in general because of the scar on my leg. I guess one day I’ll get used to it but now it still shocks me every time I see it.

June — Susan has been hanging out with Diane and Little Diane and they’re total burn outs. She’s growing pot in her closet and my mom is completely oblivious to the whole thing. When she comes home from hanging out with them she smells like big red chewing gum and sweat. For her birthday my dad got her a used Pontiac firebird. She works at the nursing home after school to pay for her gas and insurance.

July — Susan wrecked her car. Totaled it actually. She’s fine but she was making a left into the parking lot where she works and pulled into oncoming traffic. That was short! One month! She totally ruined it for me. I knew that if she blew it with her car then I could for sure forget about getting a car when I turn 16.

August — I’m in Oklahoma and it is one million degrees. The one cool thing, though, is my dad has a VHS camera and I’ve been shooting short films all day, every day. It’s the most fun thing ever. I brought a bunch of clay figures with me and have been doing claymation videos all day. I want to do this when I grow up — make movies. My dad stays away working all day and seems to be fine with leaving me on my own even though last year I nearly died when I fell into the pump jack and got my leg mangled. But believe you me, I don’t go anywhere near the pump jack.

September — 9th grade! I’m in Pasco’s art class. He’s a former marine and really good at art. He let me paint this huge cartoon mural of Miami’s airport on one of the walls in the corner of the room. Art is my favorite class by far. I’m still getting C’s and D’s in math and have to go to a tutor all the time. Everything else I have A’s and B’s but my parents are super pissed at me for being so bad at math. Every time I ask them for help with my homework it’s not like they’re able to do these trigonometry calculations either. They didn’t even have to learn that when they were in school. Why do they have 9th graders doing advanced mathematics in the first place? Seems like they’re setting us up for failure.

October — My sister came home from hanging out with her burn-out friends and clearly she was on drugs. I was hiding in her closet with my stilts on and a black swamp monster costume waiting for her. I burst out on her and had all the light bulbs swapped out with red and blue ones. So she was turning on the lights and screaming and kept saying, “it’s just a bad trip! It’s just a bad trip!” It really freaked her out and she didn’t talk for two days. Like, not to anyone — even at school.

November — So something really crazy happened. My sister has a gay boyfriend. How do I know he’s gay? Well he does drag for one. I like him, he’s got great hair and we’re both into the same music. But I’m not doing make up. Anyhow, he had sex with my sister and she got pregnant. But here’s the crazy part: she did so much drugs she had a miscarriage at home and clogged the toilet with it! My mom doesn’t know any of this and it wouldn’t matter if I told her because she’d never believe it anyway. She comes home from work every night around 9PM has a giant martini and goes to bed. I’m so glad Susan had a miscarriage. For sure my mom would have taken her to get as many abortions as she wanted, but nevertheless, because of all the drugs any kid she had would be a deformed monster with webbed feet, an exposed backbone and its face on top of its head.

December — My sister and I got in a huge fight because I threw stewed tomatoes at her and said, “oh look it’s my niece or nephew!” She broke up with her gay boyfriend. Or he broke up with her? I don’t know. He dropped out of school and is moving to New York because his mom found him stealing her make up. I hope he doesn’t get AIDS. What else is going on in Miami at the moment? My dad is coming for Christmas which always sucks.

January — 1984. Doubleplus Good! I read the book and it is hilarious. I hope that happens. I’m all for Communism. I think the state should control everything. Just kidding. They make us read Orwell and Ayn Rand so much in school! It’s so stupid. I liked Animal Farm but you know — the Soviets strike me as being back-assward and not quite the threat Grandpa Ronnie is making them out to be. We watched “The Day After” in social studies and I kept laughing about bad the effects were. People were literally crying in class over those fake green-screen dupe effects. I wish they would drop the bomb! Anything is better than living in Miami.

February — My friends Peter and Chris are in my art class and they are SO MUCH BETTER at drawing than I am. I wish I could draw like that. Chris is super into the Beatles and we’re going to a convention at the Omni hotel later this month. Peter’s more of a computer guy. I’ve known both of them since seventh grade but now that we’re all in art together I’m getting to know both of them better.

March — My mom told her friend that she could hire me to help her pack her house because she’s moving. So I went over there and she had all this Nazi stuff that her husband brought back from when he was in WW2. It was really weird. Who keeps all this stuff? After I helped her out she said I could go swimming in her pool if I wanted. I dove in and got electrocuted by the pool light. Not badly, obviously I’m still alive. It was so strange though because I had to fight against being electrocuted to pull myself out of the pool. She probably ought to get that fixed before she sells the house.

April — I’d never heard of Marvin Gaye but then his dad kills him? Wow! That sucks. I’m getting better at drawing. I’ve been selling drawings at school for $5. Mostly girls are asking me to draw pictures of Simon LeBon and Kevin Bacon. One request for Michael Jackson. I like drawing from photos. It’s so much easier than drawing from real life. My mom bought a VCR for her birthday so now we are able to rent movies. It’s pretty great! There’s this one movie at the store called “Eraserhead” that I’m too scared to rent. But then Peter and Chris dared me to rent it so I’m going to… For sure though, one thing I refuse to rent is “Face of Death.” That’s sick. Plus if I wanted to see a dead body I could just walk around my neighborhood for ten minutes and I’d probably see one.