Chat About Jesus, a Rant

I watched Wednesday’s episode of The Colbert Report as I cleaned the dishes. I’m not as fond as Colbert as I am of The Daily Show, but I usually watch it if there’s nothing better recorded that I can play amidst the sound of running water. I have a nice reverse view of the TV if I look at the screen’s reflection in the kitchen widow.

Commercials came on and I wiped my hand on a dishtowel and reached for the fast forward button on the remote. I passed one of the endless Cox commercials and past a Christian website commercial… wait, what? I always find these entertaining. I reversed and played it out.

It featured an angst-filled religious iPhone texting conversation, which ended with the recommendation that you should go to chataboutjesus.com to apparently have a bland conversation of your own. Fantastic.

Looking at the Youtube video that is posted on chataboutjesus’ website, I thought I’d transcribe it for you, along with the automatic CC translation, for your reading pleasure.

Boy: Something’s not right. [sentencing]

Girl: I’m failing.

Man: Screwed up. [unfailing scrutiny]

Girl: Alone.

Girl: Fear is killing me. [kids too]

Man: I need a way out.

Girl: The emptiness we feel is real [pmcc]

Girl: Our decisions, our sins. [it’s really decisions persons submitted]

Boy: Have separated us from god.

Old man: It’s like a wall.

Girl: But what you need to know is that there is a way. [what she needs to know is that there is a way]

Man: To remove the wall. [to remove the wall]

Man: And find forgiveness. [s]

Woman: Hope.

Man: Freedom.

Man: Put your trust in god’s son, Jesus Christ [picture trust concoction]

Man: Turn it all over to him. [describes internal over it]

Woman: Find some peace. [alliances]

Man: He died to set us free from sin. [dot]

Woman: He suffered and died for you. [dailies]

Man: That’s how much Jesus loves us. [he seemed to have sex]

Woman: Learn how Jesus can tear down the walls separating you from god. [and she says can handle]

Woman: It’s not about church or religion [this is not about surgery to dimensions]

Girl: It’s about a relationship.

Woman: One you need.

Girl: Now, and forever.

Girl: We aren’t meant to do this alone. 

I think my favorite part is when the guy says “That’s how much Jesus loves us” turned into “he seemed to have sex.”

The website also declares:

God designed us to be in a perfect relationship with Him in a perfect creation but our actions fractured that relationship. He wants the relationship healed but we can’t do it. We can only be reconciled, forgiven, and healed back to God through our faith in the faithfulness of His son, Jesus Christ. Would you like your relationship healed and to learn more about what God is stirring in your heart towards Jesus? Chat with someone right now.

/rant on

<font fa

ce=”Calibri”>This reminds me of a little bone of contention I have with religious types. The word “god” is a generic term. According to godchecker.com, there are roughly 3,000 gods from every culture around the world. I have no idea how accurate that count is, but that isn’t the point. All of them are not worth believing in, as far as I’m concerned.

When religious people insist on capitalizing the word “god” and treating it as a proper name, I roll my eyes. Just because you write it as “God” doesn’t mean that the word magically transforms to only refer to your particular pet deity. At least have the decency to use a real proper name, like Yahweh or Jehovah or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, so I know which god you’re talking about.

Another lovely example are the Muslim’s name for their god, Allah. Or in Arabic, Al-lah: “the God.” Why shouldn’t “God” refer to the Islam god?

Capitalizing the pronouns belonging to one’s deity seems even sillier. “A perfect relationship with Him”? “In the faithfulness of His son”? Is this capitalization done because of some kind of respect for the god you didn’t bother to name?

The same types of people who use caps for pronouns inevitably use “Christ” like a surname and throw in “Father God” for good measure. Bleh.

As long as I’m on a rant, how about Jews who are too timid to spell the entire word “god,” substituting a dash for the “o” by writing “G-d”? I’ve heard this explained that they do this because of the laws delivered by Moses that are found in Deuteronomy 12:3-12:4. In this passage, the Jews are instructed to destroy anything and everything associated with their rival’s gods, and they are not to let this happen to their own God. Writing "G-d" instead of "God" is one way to prevent others from destroying the name of God.

This is all well and good, but consider that “God” isn’t a proper name, and that in Hebrew you don’t even spell vowels. Also, that’s one of the stupidest traditions I know about. If you spell it “G-d” and then press backspace, is your god going to get cranky?

Someone posted on Facebook a picture stating “God is Good. Like if you agree.” I wrote “Which god? I vote for Thor.”

/rant off