F*CK HIM

A three year relationship. Over. Because he gave me permission to explore and I ended up liking the best friend he sent me to. So in my honesty I broke up with him. Not because of that but also because our relationship was more than on the rocks, it was slipping over the edge. Always thinking I’d eventually end up with him anyways, just not now. Because I loved him with everything I had. And then two and a half months later I learned he betrayed me while we were together. Twice. Which if once isn’t bad enough, it happened again. While I was in TX going to school so I could get back to him and go to school in OK and eventually MARRY him. I was thinking about marrying him and he was sleeping with other women.

And I am so totally broken right now.

I have never in my entire life felt this much like a fool.

You can’t turn the love off. Of course it’s not that easy.

I planned on spending the rest of my life with that man.  I’ve felt that way for two years. I almost married him back then. And if I had?? Would this have happened then if I’d gone to school in TX? He might’ve come down with me but there are no guarantees.

How do you love and hate somebody so much at the same time?

And second chances are out of the question. I’ll do my best to never feel this way again. EVER. I understand some things you can’t help but I’ll be damned if I let somebody back into my romantic life that’s made me feel this way.

And what’s worse is – HE’S BEEN CHEATED ON. HE KNOWS HOW THIS FEELS. And yet, because HE felt lonely, he did it to me. The woman that he apparently wanted to spend the rest of his life with. How can anybody be that selfish?

And when do I stop crying???