People Actually Read This Thing

I don’t know why I started this diary. I don’t recall if it was for personal reasons or because I needed blog experiance for a job I wanted at OC. I’ve gone through a lot of massive changes since starting this diary. But people continue to read it.

What I don’t understand is how somebody could come to this diary, read it, and try and pick it apart. I am madly in love with a guy named Josh. I have been for over two years now. But when I started this diary I had multiple entries entitled "X amount of Months w/the greatest guy" – entries about my ex boyfriend Shane. Shane and I are no longer together. We haven’t been for three years. I haven’t even talked to him in at least a year. But I leave those entries because back then, he was the greatest guy in my life. That’s who I was then. I’m not that person anymore and I don’t go back to those entries and feel the same way about them because I’ve moved on.

I’ve written about agonizing break ups and how it made me loathe certain qualities of Josh, but I learned from them and moved on. I was way pissed at Dana and wrote an entry about that but it’s not how I feel any more. I’m a constant forgiver. I don’t hold grudges and I always give second chances. (and thirds and fourths….) It’s just how I am. I don’t like to fight with people. I’m not a doormat and I don’t back down but I don’t like to hold on to the negative. I want to be happy and I would prefer the people I love the most to be happy as well.

This diary has morphed with me and I keep it all so I can remember the past because my mind gets hazy. I don’t dwell on any of it and I hope my readers wouldn’t either. So I apologize if any entries have made you mad or remember something you didn’t want to. But please realize that I keep them here to learn from them. Not to throw in anybody’s face or to use behind their backs.  Just memories. Not all of them fond, but all that meant something to me at that time. Something that impacted me enough to make me write it down.

Just take it as a whole, because that’s how it was intended, not piece by piece.

*Much Love*