Taking Advantage of the Nice Guy

 Imagine thinking of something for two years. In your mind you have this whole picture set up of a certain thing. You think about it constantly imagining the joys and happiness that it brings. You can’t live without it and you’d do anything to keep it. Now, picture everything being built up in your head the way you like it because you were made to believe it was true and just discard it. Throw it away and realize you were just at the end of a semi-joke gone wrong – horribly wrong.

Everything was perfect until yesterday. I was headed down to San Antonio to meet Jenn after almost two years of on again off again talking. My plane arrived in San Antonio around 1pm local time and I headed down to baggage to pick up my things. After a few texts with Jenn she said she wasn’t able to meet me at the airport. No biggie there I was counting on taking a taxi to the hotel anyway. Well, after getting to the wrong hotel the first time thanks to some immigrant I eventually ended up at my hotel already waiting was the clerk with my things to check-in like he already knew it was me. I went up to my room and after another few texts with Jenn she said she left a card for me at the front desk meaning she was here but since I got sent to the wrong hotel she had to go do a few things first.

Later on I was talking to her on the phone and getting rather tired so I decided to take a nap. Well, after a couple hours I woke up and texted Jenn and she said that I had an e-mail waiting for me. Now this is where it got bad. Real bad. She finally spoke the truth about something and it made so many other things make sense. Every picture she ever sent to me or posted on-line, wasn’t her. The ultra-sexy hot blonde girl with a killer personality that I fell in love with wasn’t true. Jenn and Laina always used to be online together around the time we started talking. They were so impressed that I didn’t ask for a picture that they thought I deserved one anyway in the first letter she sent. Turns out the pic they sent was Laina. The love at first sight feeling was for Laina. The personality and everything else was all Jenn, though. When I finally did get Jenn over here it was a lot of awkward silence and aside from some small talk at first all I could think of was, "Why?" So I finally asked her. She said that it was meant as nothing at first and that things were never meant to progress the way they did. The more and more we talked the harder and harder it got to come clean. Real shitty part was it took until I fucking got down here and she realized it was time to come clean. WHY FUCKING WAIT UNTIL I FUCKING GET DOWN HERE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? Why hide who you fucking are? Be up front and honest with me from day one that is all I ask of people. I don’t hide my looks and try to build myself up to be someone better than who I am. I be myself day in and day out. All I want is the same in return.

Needless to say I can’t fathom being with her like I had before. The image of everything that was good in my life is gone never to return.

What do I do to deserve this? Have I done something wrong in a past life and in this life I’m being forced to go through all this shit with girls and not find someone who can be up front with me from the beginning? Granted, April was honest with me. She didn’t have any real secrets she just couldn’t be with me and that’s fine. Thanks for being honest. I’m the fucking nice guy 24/7. I put down a lot of what I’m doing to help out others. If you need a ride and I can do it, I will. If I can’t, I’ll be up front and honest and tell you. I’m all about making the others in my life happy.  I fuck myself over with this sometimes but it’s the other people that are more hardcore about it to me. I don’t deserve this. I never have and certainly now I never will.

So now the search starts over from scratch. Where am I going to go after this, you might ask? I don’t know. I’m going to find my special someone someday. We’re going to up front and honest with each other from the start. I’m officially taking no shit from anyone and if they don’t like it, fuck them.

Despite all that, I’m still going to chill here for the week. We’re going to hang out like we were planning to do but it’s just not going to be the same. I can barely look at her without thinking, "you fucking lied to me for two years. the best explanation you can think of is that it wasn’t supposed to turn out this way? Then why do it at fucking all?"

sigh…