4/9/09

I hope that everyone has a happy Easter.  My Easter is going to be so busy.  Friday after work I have a doc appointment for my toe and then we have to go shopping to finish my daughters Easter and bday shopping.  Saturday morning my mom and I are getting up early to go garage sale shopping to see if we can find a used dresser.  We have been using my sis crib and dresser and she is due in June and wants all of that stuff back.  (wish us luck)  Saturday afternoon we are going to church with my family and then heading over to my sis house for dinner and to die easter eggs and then Sunday my sis and her family are coming over in the morning for an egg hunt and for brunch and then sunday night we are meeting "R" family for dinner and then Monday we are going to dinner for my daughters bday.

Things are going well, just trying to do the best that I can do.  Work is going well, I guess.  I am just trying to stay focused and work the best I can.  I just get tired and bored doing the same thing every single day but I am lucky and glad to have a job.

I am starting to worry about my health.  This is the heavyest that I have been.  When I am at work and when I wear flip flops my feet and my ankles swell very bad to where I can’t wear the same flip flops twice in a row because they won’t fit my feet the next day.  For about 4 weeks I have been living off of pepto because I ran out of heartburn pills but the acid is getting worse.  Last night I woke up twice with water pouring out of my mouth and my nose.  Guess it is a good thing I don’t sleep on my back.  Honestly I can say that it is starting to scare me.  I meet with my doc in 2 weeks and I know what he is going to say.  You need to lose weight, well do you have any ideas on what I can do to help me do that? I am not motivated to go work out and I don’t have the money to go to a gym, any other ideas? 

I wish that at times people knew and understood my feelings about my ex (my daughters father)  but because they aren’t in my situation they don’t know, just like I am not in there situation and I don’t know how they feel or what it is like.  When I write in here I don’t mean to offend anyone.  It is my thoughts and my diary and sometimes I need to vent too.  I was talking to "R" last night.  I asked him what would happen if we were to get married and we went through the process of him adopting abbie would I (we) still be able to go after my ex for child support or because "R" has adopted her that is no longer an option.  Anyone know???   I just wish that this would all go away and I could just walk away and forget and move on with my life, but I know that will never happen.  Do I really need to tell my daughter about what happend?  It is going to break her heart along with mine. 

I am happy and I am doing the best I can do.  It is moments when she wraps her arms around me and she tells me I LOVE YOU MOMMY that are so precious and so perfect and everything is forgotten.   She is going to be 2 on Monday and she has come along way.  Hard to belive that 2 years ago she was only 1 pound 7oz and here she is today healthy and happy and learning so much.  She can already with our help of course count to ten and say her ABC’s.  If I didn’t have "R" and my mom who knows where I would be today.  THANK YOU!!!!