8 Years Later
It’s been right at about 8 years since my last entry, a lot of major life events have taken place in my life since then. Me and Betsy broke up for good this time earlier this year, we were together off and on for 10 years, lived together for 5 years, were engaged… we just never clicked the way that I hoped for and us being apart it absolutely for the best. I am now dating a girl that I work with named Jessica’lyn, she is 10 years younger than me but things are great, me and her have a chemistry that is very real, we connect the way anyone prays for in a relationship, but it’s still very early, time will tell.
My mother passed away June 17, 2017 from a blood clot that reached its way to her lungs. This was by far the saddest day of my life. It’s 3 years since her death and I still struggle with the loss, I think that I always will. But the first year after her death was the longest year of my life, the darkest year, I reached a very serious point in depression that had gotten so bad that therapy was sought after by myself. Since my mothers death my dad has remarried a vile woman who I have a severe amount of distaste for and I know that is supposed to be expected or common but I actually gave this woman a chance for a while, but she has proven time and time again to be all about herself, very disrespectful and crossed a line with me that I will not allow anyone to cross, I wish my dad the best with her and her three kids, I do want to see my dad happy no matter what that means. My sister in this time also married, had a child, my nephew Colton who is adorable and I love to death. I won’t get into much though in regards to my sister and her husband, that is a crazy roller coaster of a story that isn’t worth the time to type or the stress it causes me to think about it, but long story short, he’s a piece of shit… the best way to sum that up.
In the last 8 years I’ve lost my grandpa Shepherd (my mother’s dad), my grandpa Sidney (my dad’s dad), my mother, an uncle and a cousin and an ex g/f to suicide. Been a very tumultuous 8 years for me to say the least. At many times I’ve felt the overwhelming weight of loss and helplessness along the way and it feeds my depression. I’ll be 35 next month, I’m not married, I have no kids, my immediate family is a mess all the time, life has been the cruelest it’s ever been to me over the last few years and it’s exhausting. I stay motivated by my relationship with God which could absolutely be stronger but my job is so hectic and I work so many hours and this corona virus pandemic has made going to church practically impossible, but I always maintain a daily prayer regiment, I stay focused on my faith and I continue to strive to be a better person and Christian.
I believe in my last entry in 2012 I mentioned working for GARDA which is an armored truck company, I worked for them up until early 2015 when i left and started working where I work now, Fayette County Detention Center. I’ve been with the jail now for over 5 years, I enjoy my job though it has it’s moments where it’s very stressful, having to work the occasional 16 hour shift nearly once a week, sometimes more. Dealing with certain inmates can be aggravating, my superiors and the way some of them can be with their leadership styles… but all in all it’s the easiest job I think I’ve ever had for the best money I’ve ever earned and benefits to boot. I plan on sticking it out here, retiring when I’m 55 with a pension and hopefully sometime over the next 20 years I’ll finally marry, maybe have a kid and own my own house. That’s the plan, that is the happiness I seek.
Well until next time OD, I don’t get on here much obviously, maybe i’ll check ya out again in the next 5-8 years with a whole bunch of new updates, hopefully much better updates then the depressing ones this entry had to offer.
God Bless,
Ryan